When I arrived in England, I had no idea where to go to play softball. Rather than just sit there, I decided to take the matter into my own hands.
Twice a week, on Tuesday evenings and Sunday afternoons, I would take my equipment to Hyde Park in London. I would create a field using carpet for the bases. Then I lied in wait for the mice to take the bait.
It started small in the beginning. Nicola was the first. She eventually met her husband, Tony, through our games. Even though they have moved to Australia, I am still in touch. Sarah was keen on going to the United States, so she was interested in learning about their games. Another woman, whose name I forget, felt her calling was leading people into the next life. She was a bit unusual, but very nice. She also knew about the game a bit.
On Sundays, we could usually count on some Canadians and Americans to join in, especially if the sun was smiling on our game. One Sunday, in fact, we had the agent of the former professional tennis player, Mikael Pernfors, who happened to be at Wimbledon that week.
Eventually we had a regular group of about 15 who would show up regularly. A friendly visit to the pub afterwards helped.
But, oh, the things we had to endure. Hyde Park is huge and there is enough room for everyone, but American football teams would run through our game. Others would purposely saunter across the field, defying us to hit them with a ball. The most unusual lot was the bicycle polo players.
Eventually it became very serious. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there to witness the event, but the police came and told us we couldn’t play. They played the same trick on a banking softball league, populated by Americans wanting to enjoy a game. The pen, indeed, became mightier than the sword. A nasty article in the Wall Street Journal, no less, corrected the situation. The parks department decided we could rent the pitch, as a field is called in England.
Even though we paid for our fields, that didn’t stop all the aforementioned from stampeding through our area like cattle. A few well-placed pop flies usually smartened them up. Producing the permit that said we had rented the space seemed to have no effect.
From this group of rag-tag players, literally grabbed as they walked by our game, came a team that became the Great Britain mixed slow pitch finalists two years later. I was very proud of my team. More than half of them had never played the game before. We lost 4-3 against a team of Americans and Canadians that included some ringers. We faced some very good players we had never seen before.
What pleased me most was how we started very small. That puff of hope of having a team grew into something in front of my eyes.
The story has a happy ending. Although I returned to Canada the next year, the same group of players, plus a few additions, won the Great Britain mixed slow pitch championship.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Let Me Choose Love
There is so much pain on this earth
And when I consider all of my worth
I am humbled
But there are many things I still try
I feel like a fool and wonder why
Are they false hopes?
But whatever my fate
Let there be no debate
Help me do what is right
Help me stay in the light
Let me choose love
When there is so much hatred all around
Let me choose love
Though I may be more lost than I am found
Let me choose love
Please guide me on a path so true
Let me know clearly what I should do
Give me wisdom
Give me strength to realize my dreams
Give me hope to carry on when it seems
It is finished
Please help me endure
And keep my heart pure
And enlighten my way
Don’t allow me to stray
Let me choose love
When there is so much hatred all around
Let me choose love
Though I may be more lost than I am found
Let me choose love
And when I consider all of my worth
I am humbled
But there are many things I still try
I feel like a fool and wonder why
Are they false hopes?
But whatever my fate
Let there be no debate
Help me do what is right
Help me stay in the light
Let me choose love
When there is so much hatred all around
Let me choose love
Though I may be more lost than I am found
Let me choose love
Please guide me on a path so true
Let me know clearly what I should do
Give me wisdom
Give me strength to realize my dreams
Give me hope to carry on when it seems
It is finished
Please help me endure
And keep my heart pure
And enlighten my way
Don’t allow me to stray
Let me choose love
When there is so much hatred all around
Let me choose love
Though I may be more lost than I am found
Let me choose love
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Rudy
A good plumber is one of the necessities of life. That is what we found when we met Rudy Bansagi.
He left Communist Hungary with only the clothes on his back. He risked his life wading through a cold, dark river at night to freedom in Austria.
Fortunately, he had a trade in Hungary. He was a plumber. The only problem was that he had a hard time getting into the union in Canada, so he did jobs on the side.
We discovered his abilities one Boxing Day. One of the toilets in our home was doing an impression of Old Faithful. Water was gushing everywhere. So we called Rudy.
He arrived and fixed it in no time flat.
What I really loved about Rudy is that he was always smiling when he did his work. Another of his traits was that he would rather fix a part than throw it out and buy a new one. Back in Hungary, he explained, plumbing fixtures were not plentiful like in Canada. Often you had to take two broken taps, for example, and salvage the parts to make one good one.
He had the ability to take something broken and breathe new life into it. He also took pride in his work. One time, he didn’t do the job to his satisfaction. He came back and corrected the situation without charging me extra. He would stay with a job until it was finished.
His attitude was so refreshing in today’s world. How often do we throw things out when it could be repaired? Our throwaway society produces too much garbage.
Friendship is sort of like Rudy’s parts. There are times when it may become worn out. It would be easy to chuck it out, but true friendship repairs what is broken and it comes out stronger than ever. The trick is to make sure you keep your eyes on it so it doesn’t become too worn out that it can’t be repaired. Also, you should maintain it constantly, checking to see when there are leaks and repairing them instantly.
He left Communist Hungary with only the clothes on his back. He risked his life wading through a cold, dark river at night to freedom in Austria.
Fortunately, he had a trade in Hungary. He was a plumber. The only problem was that he had a hard time getting into the union in Canada, so he did jobs on the side.
We discovered his abilities one Boxing Day. One of the toilets in our home was doing an impression of Old Faithful. Water was gushing everywhere. So we called Rudy.
He arrived and fixed it in no time flat.
What I really loved about Rudy is that he was always smiling when he did his work. Another of his traits was that he would rather fix a part than throw it out and buy a new one. Back in Hungary, he explained, plumbing fixtures were not plentiful like in Canada. Often you had to take two broken taps, for example, and salvage the parts to make one good one.
He had the ability to take something broken and breathe new life into it. He also took pride in his work. One time, he didn’t do the job to his satisfaction. He came back and corrected the situation without charging me extra. He would stay with a job until it was finished.
His attitude was so refreshing in today’s world. How often do we throw things out when it could be repaired? Our throwaway society produces too much garbage.
Friendship is sort of like Rudy’s parts. There are times when it may become worn out. It would be easy to chuck it out, but true friendship repairs what is broken and it comes out stronger than ever. The trick is to make sure you keep your eyes on it so it doesn’t become too worn out that it can’t be repaired. Also, you should maintain it constantly, checking to see when there are leaks and repairing them instantly.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Richard Munro
Richard Munro is one of the most positive persons I have met in my life. You just like being around him. He has the knack of exuding a confidence in himself that somehow is transferred to you.
Like anyone, his life has not been without his speed bumps.
As one of the top distance runners in Canada, he was training for the 1976 Olympics in Montreal. He was hoping to compete in the 10,000 metres and the marathon. A good part of his life had gone into reaching this goal.
Then he developed a sore foot a year before the event while training in Australia. He wouldn’t be able to compete. All of that training was finished. The dream he had visualized so well was dashed against the rocks.
There were moments where the disappointment of not competing appeared. The big difference is that he refused to be consumed by negativity. Yes, the dream that he had spent years preparing for was not to be fulfilled. He simply realized that there are many other dreams you can pursue.
In 2006, Richard Munro was inducted into the Dalhousie University Sports Hall of Fame in cross country and track and field.
In your life, have there been dreams that have not been realized? Don’t fret. Just look at what you have to offer and create new ones. There are enough of them out there to last a lifetime.
Like anyone, his life has not been without his speed bumps.
As one of the top distance runners in Canada, he was training for the 1976 Olympics in Montreal. He was hoping to compete in the 10,000 metres and the marathon. A good part of his life had gone into reaching this goal.
Then he developed a sore foot a year before the event while training in Australia. He wouldn’t be able to compete. All of that training was finished. The dream he had visualized so well was dashed against the rocks.
There were moments where the disappointment of not competing appeared. The big difference is that he refused to be consumed by negativity. Yes, the dream that he had spent years preparing for was not to be fulfilled. He simply realized that there are many other dreams you can pursue.
In 2006, Richard Munro was inducted into the Dalhousie University Sports Hall of Fame in cross country and track and field.
In your life, have there been dreams that have not been realized? Don’t fret. Just look at what you have to offer and create new ones. There are enough of them out there to last a lifetime.
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Chemistry Set
Years ago, a popular gift for Christmas was a chemistry set. My brother got one. We looked at all the bottles filled with these magic powders dreaming of potions we could create that would cure all the ailments of the world. Our malevolent sides conjured up mixtures that would create spells that would give us power over the universe. All we had to do was get the right combination in our living room lab.
Of course, we never read the instruction book. In fact, I don’t even know there was an instruction book. We certainly didn’t use it.
We put a dash of this and a sprinkle of that in the mixing pot, added a little of this and a pinch of that, then added water. Usually it would look pretty boring, but we would get out the most important part of the experiment, the litmus paper. This would tell you whether we had created something alkaline or acid. We would slip it in our mixture and look in awe as the paper changed before our eyes. After that, we just usually washed our creation down the sink. Who knows, we might have created the cure for cancer with this seven-dollar chemistry set.
It didn’t take us long to get bored with the contents of the box. We wanted to be more creative. We started looking for things around the house that we could mix with our sorcerer’s kit. We decided vinegar would be good.
Carefully we measured our powders in the beaker. Ah, just right. Then we added the vinegar. Whoosh! The whole mixture erupted like a volcano. Suspecting it to be an acid, my brother put the beaker down on the first surface he could find. It was the arm of our living room chair. He was right. It was acid. It was strong acid. It burned a hole right through the arm of the chair. It resembled the lawn chairs you see today with cup holders on the side.
What were we to do? I knew what I was going to do immediately. Noticed how I used the pronoun we a lot so far. Well, I suddenly realized that it was my brother’s chemistry set and it was he who did all of the mixing. I asked him, “What are YOU going to do?”
“Quick,” he said, “Let’s get a towel and put it over the hole. Maybe Mom won’t notice it.” That’s just what he did.
My brother would have had better luck waving a red cape in front of a bull and not having it notice it than my mother not seeing that towel. Maybe he was hoping that when the towel was lifted the chair arm would be magically healed.
It didn’t happen. Mom came in and asked, “What’s the towel doing on the chair?” My brother said, “Towel? What towel?” Brilliant reply. A deft flick of the wrist by my Mom revealed the awful truth. She truly didn’t know what to say for a millionth of a second.
“What in the world were you doing playing in the living room with that chemistry set? Why didn’t you use the kitchen?” My brother nodded. That would have been a good idea. I stood behind my mother out of the line of fire.
My mother was really disappointed. What upset her the most, though, was that we (yes, she figured I was in on it, too) tried to hide what we had done from her, especially when it was so obvious. She could accept the fact that we would make mistakes like most young boys. She felt hurt that we didn’t have the confidence in her and character to admit our mistake openly before she had to ask.
That armchair became part of the folklore of our family. It was the chair my father sat in all of the time to watch television.
Sometimes we burn holes in our lives, too. I have found that it is far better to admit that you have made a mistake than try to cover it up with a towel, particularly when you know it is so obvious. People are usually very willing to forgive. It is better to ask for forgiveness and gain their trust by being honest, even when the news is not that good.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Mr. Reynolds
In grade 12, I had the pleasure of taking Biology in high school from Mr. Reynolds. He was one of those teachers who genuinely loved teaching. His interaction with his students showed it. Biology wasn’t something you took. It was something you did. Most of his projects involved doing things and digging for information. Seldom did you regurgitate facts from a textbook.
One of the major assignments of the third term was to produce a study of something. The subject of your paper could be anything.
I remember how creative many of the projects were. One student used electrical impulses to map the brain of a frog for muscle movement.
I approached Mr. Reynolds for some suggestions of what I could do, but I walked away still not knowing my topic.
A week before the due date it hit me. Time was running out. If I didn’t start immediately, I wouldn’t be able to do a study of any kind. I started to panic.
I had a casual conversation with a friend who attended another school. Apparently the biology class there had done a similar project. Brian Steele did one on the effects of crowding on mice and had received a good mark. I contacted Brian and asked if I could “borrow” his paper. In other words, I decided to cheat.
I retyped Brian’s words and made a nice cover page. When I handed it in, my mind was racing. Mr. Reynolds had known my dilemma. Would he be able to add one and one and get two – that this wasn’t really my own work? I remember the horrible guilt I had when I put it on the pile with the others.
A few weeks later, I got the paper back. Unlike Brian’s A, I got a B. While I was happy with the mark, I was not happy at all with how I obtained it. I had deceived Mr. Reynolds, a teacher I really liked. I had trouble approaching him from that moment on. Every time I saw him, I wondered if he really knew that I had cheated.
About five years later, I had a day off and decided to visit my old high school and the teachers who were still there. I saw many and was pleased that they remembered me. I finally went to see Mr. Reynolds.
At first I was uncomfortable. Then I decided it was time to tell him the truth.
I said, “Remember the project I did on the effects of crowding on rats?” He told me that he did. “It wasn’t my work,” I stammered. Then he told me the truth. When he received it, he figured that it wasn’t, but he decided to give me the benefit of the doubt.
I asked him why.
He replied, “If there is anyone who lost by doing this action, it was you, not me. Sure, you may have gained a good mark, but you lost the opportunity to learn something. You also lost some respect for yourself.” He noted that he had noticed that I had acted a bit “differently” after I had handed in the paper. He ended his talk with this. “I’m glad you finally told me the truth. It shows that you have good character, but I hope you have learned your lesson. In life, you may be presented with other opportunities similar to this one. Each time you don’t do what is right and honourable, it makes it becomes easier to be dishonest the next time.”
You know something? Mr. Reynolds taught me a very good lesson that day.
One of the major assignments of the third term was to produce a study of something. The subject of your paper could be anything.
I remember how creative many of the projects were. One student used electrical impulses to map the brain of a frog for muscle movement.
I approached Mr. Reynolds for some suggestions of what I could do, but I walked away still not knowing my topic.
A week before the due date it hit me. Time was running out. If I didn’t start immediately, I wouldn’t be able to do a study of any kind. I started to panic.
I had a casual conversation with a friend who attended another school. Apparently the biology class there had done a similar project. Brian Steele did one on the effects of crowding on mice and had received a good mark. I contacted Brian and asked if I could “borrow” his paper. In other words, I decided to cheat.
I retyped Brian’s words and made a nice cover page. When I handed it in, my mind was racing. Mr. Reynolds had known my dilemma. Would he be able to add one and one and get two – that this wasn’t really my own work? I remember the horrible guilt I had when I put it on the pile with the others.
A few weeks later, I got the paper back. Unlike Brian’s A, I got a B. While I was happy with the mark, I was not happy at all with how I obtained it. I had deceived Mr. Reynolds, a teacher I really liked. I had trouble approaching him from that moment on. Every time I saw him, I wondered if he really knew that I had cheated.
About five years later, I had a day off and decided to visit my old high school and the teachers who were still there. I saw many and was pleased that they remembered me. I finally went to see Mr. Reynolds.
At first I was uncomfortable. Then I decided it was time to tell him the truth.
I said, “Remember the project I did on the effects of crowding on rats?” He told me that he did. “It wasn’t my work,” I stammered. Then he told me the truth. When he received it, he figured that it wasn’t, but he decided to give me the benefit of the doubt.
I asked him why.
He replied, “If there is anyone who lost by doing this action, it was you, not me. Sure, you may have gained a good mark, but you lost the opportunity to learn something. You also lost some respect for yourself.” He noted that he had noticed that I had acted a bit “differently” after I had handed in the paper. He ended his talk with this. “I’m glad you finally told me the truth. It shows that you have good character, but I hope you have learned your lesson. In life, you may be presented with other opportunities similar to this one. Each time you don’t do what is right and honourable, it makes it becomes easier to be dishonest the next time.”
You know something? Mr. Reynolds taught me a very good lesson that day.
Friday, February 22, 2008
My Significance
When I used to work as the Executive Director of the Canadian Association of Journalists, there were times when the job was very stressful. I coped with the tension by putting a picture of an earthrise taken by one of the Apollo missions on my computer.
Every time I started worrying, I would look at that desktop wallpaper and realize that my problems were quite small when looked at from a distance. Somehow the situation didn’t appear so significant any more and I went about spending my energies completing the task instead of worrying.
Have a look at the following web page. It will compare our earth to the size of other planets in our solar system, then with the sun, then with other stars, including the biggest known so far.
http://www.techdo.com/images/largest-know-star.htm
It is much better than my desktop image. The earthrise minimized my fears. This makes them totally vanish.
Next time you feel the pressures of life surrounding you, just compare them to the universe and realize that they don’t amount to that much.
Every time I started worrying, I would look at that desktop wallpaper and realize that my problems were quite small when looked at from a distance. Somehow the situation didn’t appear so significant any more and I went about spending my energies completing the task instead of worrying.
Have a look at the following web page. It will compare our earth to the size of other planets in our solar system, then with the sun, then with other stars, including the biggest known so far.
http://www.techdo.com/images/largest-know-star.htm
It is much better than my desktop image. The earthrise minimized my fears. This makes them totally vanish.
Next time you feel the pressures of life surrounding you, just compare them to the universe and realize that they don’t amount to that much.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Go for Green
When I am called to teach in a certain teacher’s class, I know I am always in for a good time. Her students are well behaved and disciplined. She uses a system called Go for Green.
The idea is that each student has a pouch on a bulletin board. They start with a green card in it. If a student misbehaves, a yellow card is put in. Further problems will lead to orange and red cards. There are consequences for each card, gradually increasing in severity.
She also has a special group called RATS, which stands for Responsible And Trustworthy Students. Special privileges are given it you are a member of RATS.
This system works for many reasons.
I like the fact that it is non-verbal. It is hard for somebody to argue when there are no words.
What I like the best, though, is that each student starts the day with a green card. It doesn’t matter what you did the day before, you start the new day with great expectations and a position of honour.
Maybe we should do the same in our adult lives. Wouldn’t it be nice to forget the effects of our bad days and start the new ones with optimism and confidence? All we have to do is “Go for Green”.
The idea is that each student has a pouch on a bulletin board. They start with a green card in it. If a student misbehaves, a yellow card is put in. Further problems will lead to orange and red cards. There are consequences for each card, gradually increasing in severity.
She also has a special group called RATS, which stands for Responsible And Trustworthy Students. Special privileges are given it you are a member of RATS.
This system works for many reasons.
I like the fact that it is non-verbal. It is hard for somebody to argue when there are no words.
What I like the best, though, is that each student starts the day with a green card. It doesn’t matter what you did the day before, you start the new day with great expectations and a position of honour.
Maybe we should do the same in our adult lives. Wouldn’t it be nice to forget the effects of our bad days and start the new ones with optimism and confidence? All we have to do is “Go for Green”.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Winter Camping
Here are two words that should never be seen together – winter camping.
If you have been reading my blog this week, you will know that I hate camping. If there is a word stronger than hate, then it should be used for my feelings for winter camping. Yet one of the leaders from our youth group in Ottawa suggested it and it was decided that it would be a good experience for everyone. As one of the leaders, I was obligated to go.
This was the year the severe ice storm hit the Ottawa area. Trees were down all over. It was also very cold – minus 28 degrees Celsius. When we got to Gatineau Park, a huge natural area close to Ottawa, we found barricades at the start of our trail. Normal people would take this as a sign that we should avoid this route. We had some real outdoors types who regarded this as a challenge.
Our objective was to reach a site where some snow huts had been made and a small wooden cabin existed in case of an emergency. I already had visions of sleeping in the cabin.
We set off down the forbidden road. Some trudged in snowshoes. Other walked. I had my cross-country skis. With all the branches down, this wasn’t very effective. It was tough going.
At about 4:30 in the afternoon, like an impatient child in a car, I asked if we were there yet. We weren’t. I then asked if anyone knew exactly where we were in relation to our destination. Nobody really knew. With the sun quickly going down, and being as cold as it was, I suggested that we needed to set up a camp soon or we would be wandering around in the dark. Being as cold as it was, this could put our safety in peril.
We found a suitable spot and everybody pitched in to help get the site ready for about 20 bodies.
We had two priorities. One was starting a fire to keep us warm and cook our food. The other was building a shelter. We didn’t have any tents. A large plastic tarpaulin was all we had.
Somebody decided that digging a hole in the snow and then covering it with the tarp was the best bet. It was tough digging until I took a step and discovered that there were two layers of snow and if I jumped, I would crash through both, creating the necessary depth for people to sleep. Although this was a church group, the rule of boys and girls sleeping in separate quarters was abandoned. We needed all of the body heat we could in our makeshift tent.
How cold was it? One person put his boots near the fire to warm his feet. The rubber on the boots started to melt before he got his feet warm.
It was suggested that you should put your clothes in your sleeping bag to keep them warm. From all the work I had done, mine were damp. This didn’t turn out to be a good idea, because my sleeping bag was no longer that dry.
The ceiling of our accommodation was about 4 feet high. I crawled into my damp sleeping bag and removed most of my clothes. Then it happened. A huge cramp came to my leg. I tried to get rid of it, but it grabbed my muscles like a steel trap. The only way I knew to get rid of it was to stand up and walk it out.
First, remember that I was in a sleeping bag. Second, remember that the ceiling was only 4 feet high. Third, remember that it was minus 28 degrees Celsius and I didn’t have much on. Contorting myself like the rubber man in the sideshow at a circus, I managed to get rid of the cramp and settled into the sleeping bag again. It soon came back for revenge. I went through the same ritual, stepping on my neighbour’s head in the process.
I decided to get dressed and sit by the fire all night. I wouldn’t get any sleep, but I would be warmer than I was. I spent the night chanting the mantra, “Why? Why? Why?” The response came from the heavens in the form of an incredibly bright and large shooting star that descended into the woods.
Would I ever go winter camping again? You must be joking. Of course not! Still, I learned that the tales of my exploits lasted for years with the members of the youth group. Another lesson was how desperation can make people pull together and do a job well, especially when their survival depends on it. Even in the darkest moments miracles like shooting stars can happen. Finally, I learned how good a hot bath can feel when you are chilled to the bone.
If you have been reading my blog this week, you will know that I hate camping. If there is a word stronger than hate, then it should be used for my feelings for winter camping. Yet one of the leaders from our youth group in Ottawa suggested it and it was decided that it would be a good experience for everyone. As one of the leaders, I was obligated to go.
This was the year the severe ice storm hit the Ottawa area. Trees were down all over. It was also very cold – minus 28 degrees Celsius. When we got to Gatineau Park, a huge natural area close to Ottawa, we found barricades at the start of our trail. Normal people would take this as a sign that we should avoid this route. We had some real outdoors types who regarded this as a challenge.
Our objective was to reach a site where some snow huts had been made and a small wooden cabin existed in case of an emergency. I already had visions of sleeping in the cabin.
We set off down the forbidden road. Some trudged in snowshoes. Other walked. I had my cross-country skis. With all the branches down, this wasn’t very effective. It was tough going.
At about 4:30 in the afternoon, like an impatient child in a car, I asked if we were there yet. We weren’t. I then asked if anyone knew exactly where we were in relation to our destination. Nobody really knew. With the sun quickly going down, and being as cold as it was, I suggested that we needed to set up a camp soon or we would be wandering around in the dark. Being as cold as it was, this could put our safety in peril.
We found a suitable spot and everybody pitched in to help get the site ready for about 20 bodies.
We had two priorities. One was starting a fire to keep us warm and cook our food. The other was building a shelter. We didn’t have any tents. A large plastic tarpaulin was all we had.
Somebody decided that digging a hole in the snow and then covering it with the tarp was the best bet. It was tough digging until I took a step and discovered that there were two layers of snow and if I jumped, I would crash through both, creating the necessary depth for people to sleep. Although this was a church group, the rule of boys and girls sleeping in separate quarters was abandoned. We needed all of the body heat we could in our makeshift tent.
How cold was it? One person put his boots near the fire to warm his feet. The rubber on the boots started to melt before he got his feet warm.
It was suggested that you should put your clothes in your sleeping bag to keep them warm. From all the work I had done, mine were damp. This didn’t turn out to be a good idea, because my sleeping bag was no longer that dry.
The ceiling of our accommodation was about 4 feet high. I crawled into my damp sleeping bag and removed most of my clothes. Then it happened. A huge cramp came to my leg. I tried to get rid of it, but it grabbed my muscles like a steel trap. The only way I knew to get rid of it was to stand up and walk it out.
First, remember that I was in a sleeping bag. Second, remember that the ceiling was only 4 feet high. Third, remember that it was minus 28 degrees Celsius and I didn’t have much on. Contorting myself like the rubber man in the sideshow at a circus, I managed to get rid of the cramp and settled into the sleeping bag again. It soon came back for revenge. I went through the same ritual, stepping on my neighbour’s head in the process.
I decided to get dressed and sit by the fire all night. I wouldn’t get any sleep, but I would be warmer than I was. I spent the night chanting the mantra, “Why? Why? Why?” The response came from the heavens in the form of an incredibly bright and large shooting star that descended into the woods.
Would I ever go winter camping again? You must be joking. Of course not! Still, I learned that the tales of my exploits lasted for years with the members of the youth group. Another lesson was how desperation can make people pull together and do a job well, especially when their survival depends on it. Even in the darkest moments miracles like shooting stars can happen. Finally, I learned how good a hot bath can feel when you are chilled to the bone.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Doing the Unexpected
When I was in Poland, I visited Auschwitz, the famous Nazi extermination camp. I’m sure life in the barracks was pretty grim during the war, but now they are pretty clean. In fact, they are cleaner than the cabin my campers inhabited at Camp Cherith.
Twice each week, there was a camp inspection of the cabins. The winning cabin got something like ice cream.
As the day approached, my guys, who were the in the oldest group, started boasting, “Every year, the oldest group gets the award for the worst cabin.” I asked them, “What’s so great about that?” They told me that it was an age-old tradition.
I asked them, “In life, do you want to be known for doing the expected or the unexpected?” They asked me what I meant. I told them that by keeping the age-old tradition they wouldn’t be doing anything that special. They would be just like every other camper who had passed along the way. There was nothing exciting about that. If they decided they were going to win the cleanest cabin award, then they would be doing something that hadn’t been done before.
I also suggested that they could have lots of fun by doing things well beyond what was expected. They decided to accept my challenge.
Camp Cherith is a Christian camp, so they had Bibles opened up on their pillows. A welcome mat was made with a note greeting all guests. Wild flowers were picked and put in pop bottles throughout the cabin. And, of course, the cabin was spotless. All clothing had been put away neatly. Everything was in order.
We trounced the opposition. History was made at Camp Cherith. The oldest group had won the award for the cleanest cabin.
On the second inspection of the week, we decided to go one better. We left little bits of chocolate on our pillows. We came dead last this time. Why? Because of the risk of wild animals invading the cabins, food is forbidden. I was the one who came up with this brilliant idea, but my only excuse is that I am the worst camper in the world. My punishment was having to sing “I’m A Little Teapot” in front of everyone.
Still the point had been made. In life, you can do what is expected or you can choose to do the unexpected. You can choose to be followers of tradition or leaders who shape the future. You can choose to walk down the path many have followed or blaze a new trail. My campers broke the mold and chose the second option.
Twice each week, there was a camp inspection of the cabins. The winning cabin got something like ice cream.
As the day approached, my guys, who were the in the oldest group, started boasting, “Every year, the oldest group gets the award for the worst cabin.” I asked them, “What’s so great about that?” They told me that it was an age-old tradition.
I asked them, “In life, do you want to be known for doing the expected or the unexpected?” They asked me what I meant. I told them that by keeping the age-old tradition they wouldn’t be doing anything that special. They would be just like every other camper who had passed along the way. There was nothing exciting about that. If they decided they were going to win the cleanest cabin award, then they would be doing something that hadn’t been done before.
I also suggested that they could have lots of fun by doing things well beyond what was expected. They decided to accept my challenge.
Camp Cherith is a Christian camp, so they had Bibles opened up on their pillows. A welcome mat was made with a note greeting all guests. Wild flowers were picked and put in pop bottles throughout the cabin. And, of course, the cabin was spotless. All clothing had been put away neatly. Everything was in order.
We trounced the opposition. History was made at Camp Cherith. The oldest group had won the award for the cleanest cabin.
On the second inspection of the week, we decided to go one better. We left little bits of chocolate on our pillows. We came dead last this time. Why? Because of the risk of wild animals invading the cabins, food is forbidden. I was the one who came up with this brilliant idea, but my only excuse is that I am the worst camper in the world. My punishment was having to sing “I’m A Little Teapot” in front of everyone.
Still the point had been made. In life, you can do what is expected or you can choose to do the unexpected. You can choose to be followers of tradition or leaders who shape the future. You can choose to walk down the path many have followed or blaze a new trail. My campers broke the mold and chose the second option.
Monday, February 18, 2008
The Angry Camper
I told you yesterday my last experience of how I had been a camp counsellor one year. Do you remember that I hate camping? Good!
The next year I got a frantic phone call from Mark. It appears that two boys had been kicked out of the camp and the counsellor of the cabin, who was rather young, was not really in control of the kids. Could I help by spending another week in purgatory?
I owed Mark big time. He had taken a chance with me as a computer software trainer when I had no job. It had turned out well for both of us, but I will never forget the opportunity he gave me. I immediately said yes and braced for what I knew was going to be a difficult week.
When I arrived in the evening, all of the kids were all in my cabin. The first night was an eye-opener. I just listened, trying to size up the situation. I was right. The job for the week ahead was going to be difficult.
One of the campers, Fred (I really forget his name), in my cabin was one of the troublemakers of the previous week. His two buddies had been kicked out and he was left alone. He was not, as they say, a happy camper.
The next night we had a sing-along. This was not Fred’s idea of a great time, so he decided to take a walk in the woods, even though this was not accepted under the camp rules. I decided to follow.
We walked in silence for a few minutes, then I asked him what was wrong. He said, “Nothing.” I then asked him if he wanted me to tell him what I thought was wrong. He nodded, so I told him how he was upset because his two buddies were not there and he was going to spend a boring week in camp. He nodded again.
My conversation continued.
“You know, you have it even worse than you can imagine this week. As your camp counsellor, you have gotten a man who hates camping. As much as you might hate being here, I hate it even more. However, if you make my life more miserable by making it more difficult, then your week will be even worse. You have the choice of trying to have as much fun as you can under the circumstances or being miserable and having to deal with me all week.”
He looked at me rather strangely after I said these words. He believed them to be true. Lucky him.
I talked to the leader and found jobs for Fred to do that he would like. I wanted to include him into camp activity, not make him a social outcast.
I would love to say that by the end of the week he was the top camper. Let’s just say that he had a smile on his face more often than the beginning of the week.
He had a choice to make when I confronted him and he made the right one. My confrontation was not done with anger, but truth. He admitted the problem, rather than hiding it, and then he was presented with options. My hatred of camping made his decision easier. You do not want to go camping with me ever.
In life, we can do the same. We can make the best of a bad situation or be upset and make it worse. Sometimes this choice will not be easy. To start, we must confront the truth, and then look at the options. It may go against what we want at the time. When you look at the options presented to us and where they will lead us, our focus can shift to where we can be, not where we are now. This brings us hope. The choice is ours.
The next year I got a frantic phone call from Mark. It appears that two boys had been kicked out of the camp and the counsellor of the cabin, who was rather young, was not really in control of the kids. Could I help by spending another week in purgatory?
I owed Mark big time. He had taken a chance with me as a computer software trainer when I had no job. It had turned out well for both of us, but I will never forget the opportunity he gave me. I immediately said yes and braced for what I knew was going to be a difficult week.
When I arrived in the evening, all of the kids were all in my cabin. The first night was an eye-opener. I just listened, trying to size up the situation. I was right. The job for the week ahead was going to be difficult.
One of the campers, Fred (I really forget his name), in my cabin was one of the troublemakers of the previous week. His two buddies had been kicked out and he was left alone. He was not, as they say, a happy camper.
The next night we had a sing-along. This was not Fred’s idea of a great time, so he decided to take a walk in the woods, even though this was not accepted under the camp rules. I decided to follow.
We walked in silence for a few minutes, then I asked him what was wrong. He said, “Nothing.” I then asked him if he wanted me to tell him what I thought was wrong. He nodded, so I told him how he was upset because his two buddies were not there and he was going to spend a boring week in camp. He nodded again.
My conversation continued.
“You know, you have it even worse than you can imagine this week. As your camp counsellor, you have gotten a man who hates camping. As much as you might hate being here, I hate it even more. However, if you make my life more miserable by making it more difficult, then your week will be even worse. You have the choice of trying to have as much fun as you can under the circumstances or being miserable and having to deal with me all week.”
He looked at me rather strangely after I said these words. He believed them to be true. Lucky him.
I talked to the leader and found jobs for Fred to do that he would like. I wanted to include him into camp activity, not make him a social outcast.
I would love to say that by the end of the week he was the top camper. Let’s just say that he had a smile on his face more often than the beginning of the week.
He had a choice to make when I confronted him and he made the right one. My confrontation was not done with anger, but truth. He admitted the problem, rather than hiding it, and then he was presented with options. My hatred of camping made his decision easier. You do not want to go camping with me ever.
In life, we can do the same. We can make the best of a bad situation or be upset and make it worse. Sometimes this choice will not be easy. To start, we must confront the truth, and then look at the options. It may go against what we want at the time. When you look at the options presented to us and where they will lead us, our focus can shift to where we can be, not where we are now. This brings us hope. The choice is ours.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Councillor T-Bird
I hate camping. I was surprised when Carolyn came up to me and asked if I would be a counsellor at Camp Cherith. I had every reason on earth why I didn’t want to do this, but the main one was that I hate camping.
Carolyn explained that they were desperate. Seriously, to consider me as a camp counsellor, you would have to be. I had never been to a camp. How could I be the leader of a cabin full of boys? I flunked the swimming test. I had sciatica, a pinched nerve in my back that caused great pain. Oh, and did I mention that I hate camping.
I agreed to give it a shot. It’s difficult to say no to Carolyn.
I arrived the day before the kids to get a feel for the camp and be there when they arrived. One of the traditions was that each counsellor created a camp name related to a bird, so you had people called Eagle, Robin and Sparrow. I chose the name T-Bird.
My first camper walked towards the cabin. He was a twin. He took one look at me and said, “Let’s switch cabins,” to his brother. My confidence plummeted like a stone dropped in the water or me trying to swim. My first camper rejected me.
It didn’t get better. One by one they arrived and I realized that I had a very mixed bag. Some of them were veterans of many years. Others had been dumped by their parents for a week and really didn’t want to be there. I could identify with those ones.
The way I figure it, the series, Survivor, is based on camp. Kids thrown together form alliances and sometimes are cruel towards each other.
I remember they handed out balloons one day. One of my guys really liked his, but another in the group broke it just before he went to bed. He cried. Councillor T-Bird came to the rescue, though. My sciatica was waking me up very early in the morning. I got up and found the balloon stash and blew up about 8 balloons. Then I quietly snuck into the room and gently placed them on his bed while he was sleeping. The next morning those tears were replaced by laughter.
By the end of the week I had been through quite a bit with my group. The craft I had been assigned was creating the daily camp newspaper and we did one of the best ones they had had.
Did this experience change my attitude about camping? Not in the slightest. I still hate it, but I learned that people who share adversity get close. By the end of the week, those boys were like sons to me. There was a bond of love that had been formed and I suddenly was aware what camping was all about.
Carolyn explained that they were desperate. Seriously, to consider me as a camp counsellor, you would have to be. I had never been to a camp. How could I be the leader of a cabin full of boys? I flunked the swimming test. I had sciatica, a pinched nerve in my back that caused great pain. Oh, and did I mention that I hate camping.
I agreed to give it a shot. It’s difficult to say no to Carolyn.
I arrived the day before the kids to get a feel for the camp and be there when they arrived. One of the traditions was that each counsellor created a camp name related to a bird, so you had people called Eagle, Robin and Sparrow. I chose the name T-Bird.
My first camper walked towards the cabin. He was a twin. He took one look at me and said, “Let’s switch cabins,” to his brother. My confidence plummeted like a stone dropped in the water or me trying to swim. My first camper rejected me.
It didn’t get better. One by one they arrived and I realized that I had a very mixed bag. Some of them were veterans of many years. Others had been dumped by their parents for a week and really didn’t want to be there. I could identify with those ones.
The way I figure it, the series, Survivor, is based on camp. Kids thrown together form alliances and sometimes are cruel towards each other.
I remember they handed out balloons one day. One of my guys really liked his, but another in the group broke it just before he went to bed. He cried. Councillor T-Bird came to the rescue, though. My sciatica was waking me up very early in the morning. I got up and found the balloon stash and blew up about 8 balloons. Then I quietly snuck into the room and gently placed them on his bed while he was sleeping. The next morning those tears were replaced by laughter.
By the end of the week I had been through quite a bit with my group. The craft I had been assigned was creating the daily camp newspaper and we did one of the best ones they had had.
Did this experience change my attitude about camping? Not in the slightest. I still hate it, but I learned that people who share adversity get close. By the end of the week, those boys were like sons to me. There was a bond of love that had been formed and I suddenly was aware what camping was all about.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Golf
I enjoy a good game of golf. When I first started, I thought I was getting a great value. Some people would only get to whack the ball about 80 times for the green fees. I got to swing about 120 times.
I soon learned that one of the rites of passage for a golfer is breaking 100. My score gradually went down a bit, but I was having a difficult time. It was the psychological barrier similar to the difficulty runners had breaking the 4-minute mile.
I was enjoying the game even though I zigzagged down the fairways. I kept score by the number of balls I lost vs. the number I found. I had the knack of discovering lost worlds every time I played the game. One time I met another poor soul in the forest looking for his ball. I almost said, “Dr. Livingston, I presume.”
One day I entered a tournament. The format was “best ball”. This meant that you used the person’s shot that was the best and continued on from there.
The next time I played golf, I broke 100. Why?
When I was in this tournament, our team shot a 73. What was more important was that I saw what I would have to do to shoot such a low score. The next time I was on a course, I was able to visualize the shot I would have to make. Before my goal was to smack the ball as hard as I could every time, usually with disastrous results.
It is important to remember that in order to reach this great achievement, I was aided by three other people. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. If they had been terrible golfers, my quest to break 100 would have been more difficult.
I learned two lessons from this. The first is to surround yourself with good people. This will make it easier to achieve your goal. The second is that visualizing what you are trying to do is very important. Unless you can see how you are going to do something, you will have difficulty doing it.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Homework
Two Toronto professors have come up with the idea that homework from grades 1 to 6 may is of little value and may lead to stress in the family.
I am not a professor, but I do have some questions about their study.
First, look at the photo that is with the article from the Toronto Star (http://www.thestar.com/article/302001). I don’t know what school these kids go to, but I have never seen any student in grades one to six bring home a pile of books like you see between the two. Look at the pose of the girl. What does it say? How about the papers strewn out in front of them? Is this typical of how they do homework? The photo seems to have been set up to support the story idea, not the reality.
Before you ditch homework, I ask you to consider these questions.
· What will the time that would be spent on homework be replaced with? If it is reading, quality family time or time spent outdoors playing, then I can agree. If it means more time in front of the computer or television, often unsupervised, is this a better alternative to homework?
· If a student knows that there is never going to be any homework, what incentive will he have to complete the work in class? From my experience as an occasional teacher, kids will work harder in class if they know what I am giving them is homework if not completed.
· If you are going to ditch homework, then are you going to give teachers a break? What do I mean? Years ago, parents would never think of going on vacation at any time with their children except when there was no school. Too many take off during the school year and expect the teacher to help their offspring catch up when they return. This is not fair. Where I live, you might as well not teach on Fridays in the winter. Parents have no problem pulling their kids out of classes for hockey and ringette tournaments. Some organizing committees even schedule games on Fridays. What message are we sending our children about an education?
· How many people complain about doing work, regardless of their age? If I have the option of saying something negative and getting out of doing homework or being silent and having to work, what option am I likely to pick? High school students complain about doing homework. One man’s daughter would rather play. Guess what? I would rather sit on a beach than do work around the home. Maybe I should get rid of housework.
· How many teachers were interviewed for the study?
· How much of a strain does it put on marriages? The article makes it sound like kids getting homework is a serious cause for divorce. Give me a break!
Of course, I may be totally wrong about what the article says. Maybe I just haven’t done my homework in reading the study. Why should I, though? It may be disruptive for my home, creating power struggles and arguments.
I am not a professor, but I do have some questions about their study.
First, look at the photo that is with the article from the Toronto Star (http://www.thestar.com/article/302001). I don’t know what school these kids go to, but I have never seen any student in grades one to six bring home a pile of books like you see between the two. Look at the pose of the girl. What does it say? How about the papers strewn out in front of them? Is this typical of how they do homework? The photo seems to have been set up to support the story idea, not the reality.
Before you ditch homework, I ask you to consider these questions.
· What will the time that would be spent on homework be replaced with? If it is reading, quality family time or time spent outdoors playing, then I can agree. If it means more time in front of the computer or television, often unsupervised, is this a better alternative to homework?
· If a student knows that there is never going to be any homework, what incentive will he have to complete the work in class? From my experience as an occasional teacher, kids will work harder in class if they know what I am giving them is homework if not completed.
· If you are going to ditch homework, then are you going to give teachers a break? What do I mean? Years ago, parents would never think of going on vacation at any time with their children except when there was no school. Too many take off during the school year and expect the teacher to help their offspring catch up when they return. This is not fair. Where I live, you might as well not teach on Fridays in the winter. Parents have no problem pulling their kids out of classes for hockey and ringette tournaments. Some organizing committees even schedule games on Fridays. What message are we sending our children about an education?
· How many people complain about doing work, regardless of their age? If I have the option of saying something negative and getting out of doing homework or being silent and having to work, what option am I likely to pick? High school students complain about doing homework. One man’s daughter would rather play. Guess what? I would rather sit on a beach than do work around the home. Maybe I should get rid of housework.
· How many teachers were interviewed for the study?
· How much of a strain does it put on marriages? The article makes it sound like kids getting homework is a serious cause for divorce. Give me a break!
Of course, I may be totally wrong about what the article says. Maybe I just haven’t done my homework in reading the study. Why should I, though? It may be disruptive for my home, creating power struggles and arguments.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The Perfect Lover
1 John 4:18 (Bible in Basic English)
There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is, there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love.
Today is Valentine’s Day. Millions will be saying, “I love you” in so many ways. Some use flowers, others chocolates. Cards are another popular medium. I’m sure there will be somebody somewhere who will rent a billboard. We are whipped into a frenzy of declaring our love for somebody on this day. Hopefully those same feelings will exist beyond today. Still, it is nice that we stop and remember how important love is.
While love does involve giving, if we want to have the greatest love possible, it must be free from fear. What does this mean? To me it means making sure that you communicate effectively. You have to feel that you can tell the person you love anything without any fear. You become transparent to that person. In order to do this, you have to trust that person, and that is sometimes very difficult.
Almost everyone has experienced somebody who has hurt him or her and violated that trust. The result is often to have fear in love.
You want to be the best lover you can be? Then love someone without fear. If you can’t, then maybe it is time to get help to get over that fear or find somebody else to love who you can love without fear. That is, unless you don't care if you are the best lover you can be.
There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is, there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love.
Today is Valentine’s Day. Millions will be saying, “I love you” in so many ways. Some use flowers, others chocolates. Cards are another popular medium. I’m sure there will be somebody somewhere who will rent a billboard. We are whipped into a frenzy of declaring our love for somebody on this day. Hopefully those same feelings will exist beyond today. Still, it is nice that we stop and remember how important love is.
While love does involve giving, if we want to have the greatest love possible, it must be free from fear. What does this mean? To me it means making sure that you communicate effectively. You have to feel that you can tell the person you love anything without any fear. You become transparent to that person. In order to do this, you have to trust that person, and that is sometimes very difficult.
Almost everyone has experienced somebody who has hurt him or her and violated that trust. The result is often to have fear in love.
You want to be the best lover you can be? Then love someone without fear. If you can’t, then maybe it is time to get help to get over that fear or find somebody else to love who you can love without fear. That is, unless you don't care if you are the best lover you can be.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Love
You often hear the passage below read at weddings in Christian churches. Regardless of your beliefs, it is one of the most profound writings ever on the subject of love.
I have some comments, but I want you to think on the original words more than mine. Ponder on whether you believe these words to be true and, if so or if not, why. Is there anything you would add or take away?
To start, this is the New Living Translation. Different translations, while similar, can give slightly different impressions. This is the one I liked the most.
The word love here is the Greek word agapé. They have four words for love, just like the Inuit have many words for snow. This is not an erotic kind of love, however, if you really are “in love” with somebody and agapé isn’t blended in generously, you are not receiving love at its fullest. It makes a fairytale love complete. I'm not going to give a definition of what agapé means. I think the text covers it adequately.
This text not only tells you what love is, it tells you what it isn’t. That way you can know when it is real and when somebody is just pretending to love you.
The part about a poor mirror is often translated “through a glass darkly,” referring to a mirror. When I was in the British Museum, I was surprised to see that the mirrors of the first couple of centuries were not made of glass, but brass. As you know, brass tarnishes and turns black. Could this be what they mean by “through a glass darkly”?
I have asked myself this question about verse 13. Why is love greater than faith or hope? Here is the best I can come up with.
I can have faith that when I flick the light switch, it will come on. The reality is that there may be a time when it doesn’t. Sometimes your faith in something fails.
I may hope that a certain hockey team will win the Stanley Cup. For all of you Leaf fans out there, you can understand that your hope may be dashed quite easily.
But love is always there. Why? Love does not depend on anything external. It just is. It can be there no matter what.
Do you have a better answer? Please add a comment.
1 Corinthians 13
1. If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth, but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.
3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud
5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.
9 Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little!
10 But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.
11 It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.
13 There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.
I have some comments, but I want you to think on the original words more than mine. Ponder on whether you believe these words to be true and, if so or if not, why. Is there anything you would add or take away?
To start, this is the New Living Translation. Different translations, while similar, can give slightly different impressions. This is the one I liked the most.
The word love here is the Greek word agapé. They have four words for love, just like the Inuit have many words for snow. This is not an erotic kind of love, however, if you really are “in love” with somebody and agapé isn’t blended in generously, you are not receiving love at its fullest. It makes a fairytale love complete. I'm not going to give a definition of what agapé means. I think the text covers it adequately.
This text not only tells you what love is, it tells you what it isn’t. That way you can know when it is real and when somebody is just pretending to love you.
The part about a poor mirror is often translated “through a glass darkly,” referring to a mirror. When I was in the British Museum, I was surprised to see that the mirrors of the first couple of centuries were not made of glass, but brass. As you know, brass tarnishes and turns black. Could this be what they mean by “through a glass darkly”?
I have asked myself this question about verse 13. Why is love greater than faith or hope? Here is the best I can come up with.
I can have faith that when I flick the light switch, it will come on. The reality is that there may be a time when it doesn’t. Sometimes your faith in something fails.
I may hope that a certain hockey team will win the Stanley Cup. For all of you Leaf fans out there, you can understand that your hope may be dashed quite easily.
But love is always there. Why? Love does not depend on anything external. It just is. It can be there no matter what.
Do you have a better answer? Please add a comment.
1 Corinthians 13
1. If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth, but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.
3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud
5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.
9 Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little!
10 But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.
11 It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.
13 There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Safely in Your Hands
This world is sometimes tough
It kicks you around and treats you rough
There are times when you taste defeat
And your life seems very incomplete
You aren’t really sure which way to go
But there is one thing I will always know
I can place my heart
Safely in your hands
Though my mind may be full of doubt
And my soul is going through a drought
I look at the options and they seem too few
I contemplate starting over anew
When it seems as though the battle is lost
And I prepare myself to count the cost
I can place my heart
Safely in your hands
Though it may be dark
You provide the spark
That motivates me
Can’t you see, you set me free
When I come to you with wounded pride
And my feelings are hurting deep inside
I will no longer feel despair
Because the thought of you waiting there
Makes me count my blessings and the things I’ve got
And I will trust there'll always be a spot
Where I can place my heart
Safely in your hands
Monday, February 11, 2008
If you don’t know …
Have you ever heard this from your loved one? “If you don’t know, then I’m not telling you.” I have heard this line a few times in my life. Guess what? I still don’t know.
People often say that others don’t understand them. I don’t dispute this, but how is anyone supposed to understand others without knowing what’s on their hearts?
Can you imagine somebody going to the doctor and not telling where it hurts? “Yes, doctor, I am here for a reason, but if you don’t know, then I’m not telling you.”
If you are dealing with me, I need to know. You may have to hit me over the head with a board until I understand, but I really need to know. You may feel afraid of telling me the truth. Perhaps I have wounded your spirit in the past when you did so, but I still need to know.
Why?
If you don’t tell me, then I have no opportunity for any input into the situation. There is no hope that I can do anything to correct any problem. All I will have to do is to deal with the output. Since I don’t have any insights into the reasons for the output, I will be forced to guess and use my imagination. Imagining what might be usually results in gross inaccuracies, because what I invent in my mind is usually not even close to the truth. I have a great imagination. This is hardly fair. It makes for a very one-sided relationship and one that has little hope of being genuine and surviving.
Love is not like a poker game where we have to guess what the other person’s cards are. It is being you, nothing more, yet nothing less. If you can’t be yourself, then you are the real loser. You are living a life that is not yours.
Is it difficult being totally honest with another person? You bet! It may mean telling him something he doesn’t want to hear. What is the alternative? Living a lie. Doing that creates even more hurt for everyone.
I leave my blog for today with the words of Billy Joel. Nice lyrics, although he seems to imply that a friend and love can be less than honest. If somebody is a true friend and really loves me, honesty and trust are essential parts of that relationship.
Honesty
If you search for tenderness, it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
I can always find someone to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me with promises again.
I know, I know.
When I'm deep inside of me, don't be too concerned.
I won't ask for nothing' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity, tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
People often say that others don’t understand them. I don’t dispute this, but how is anyone supposed to understand others without knowing what’s on their hearts?
Can you imagine somebody going to the doctor and not telling where it hurts? “Yes, doctor, I am here for a reason, but if you don’t know, then I’m not telling you.”
If you are dealing with me, I need to know. You may have to hit me over the head with a board until I understand, but I really need to know. You may feel afraid of telling me the truth. Perhaps I have wounded your spirit in the past when you did so, but I still need to know.
Why?
If you don’t tell me, then I have no opportunity for any input into the situation. There is no hope that I can do anything to correct any problem. All I will have to do is to deal with the output. Since I don’t have any insights into the reasons for the output, I will be forced to guess and use my imagination. Imagining what might be usually results in gross inaccuracies, because what I invent in my mind is usually not even close to the truth. I have a great imagination. This is hardly fair. It makes for a very one-sided relationship and one that has little hope of being genuine and surviving.
Love is not like a poker game where we have to guess what the other person’s cards are. It is being you, nothing more, yet nothing less. If you can’t be yourself, then you are the real loser. You are living a life that is not yours.
Is it difficult being totally honest with another person? You bet! It may mean telling him something he doesn’t want to hear. What is the alternative? Living a lie. Doing that creates even more hurt for everyone.
I leave my blog for today with the words of Billy Joel. Nice lyrics, although he seems to imply that a friend and love can be less than honest. If somebody is a true friend and really loves me, honesty and trust are essential parts of that relationship.
Honesty
If you search for tenderness, it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
I can always find someone to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me with promises again.
I know, I know.
When I'm deep inside of me, don't be too concerned.
I won't ask for nothing' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity, tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
She Loves Me …
She loves me.
She loves me not.
Have you ever played this game with a flower, plucking off the petals in order to get an indication of whether the object of your affection really loves you? I have.
Can I make a suggestion? Stop doing this.
As soon as you start contemplating that somebody may not love you, negative thoughts start invading the relationship. Once that happens, it is difficult to recover.
The other danger is that while we are pulling off the petals, we are keeping score. One for the good side, one for the bad. People stumble and fall sometimes. Give them long enough and they will eventually disappoint you. If you start keeping score, every negative thought will take away from every positive one.
Another problem with this horticultural experiment is that we often start defining in our own terms what constitutes the other person’s love. If it doesn’t live up to what we want, then it is a “she loves me not”.
Your powerful imagination can start taking over. You can start dreaming up things that are not really there.
I suggest you change the image from a flower to a bucket. All you do is count the drops of love that hit the mark. She loves me. She loves me again, and again, and again. Each molecule that hits the surface is a cause to celebrate. Don’t even look at the ones that miss.
By doing this, you concentrate on receiving with gratitude the love that is given to you without keeping score. So what if somebody doesn’t hit the mark all the time? With practice she will, but she won’t as long as you keep reminding her of when she misses. She will focus on her giving, too, not on what she has to do to please you. There is a huge difference.
What if your trust in this person is unwarranted? Welcome to the course, Life 101. If you are expecting everything to go your way all of the time, then you are naïve. Every love in your life will not be the right one. That is part of the learning process.
Anyway, will worrying about whether somebody loves you or not help? Absolutely not! It puts you in the position of where you are being anyone but yourself. You are jumping through hoops like a trained dog instead of offering the person the beauty of your soul for them to accept or not. Been there, done that! It wasn’t fun and I was trying to manipulate the other person into loving me.
Instead of plucking the petals of a flower, why not present it to your sweetheart as a token of your love? I think you will find that it is a better investment of your time.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
A Great Start
When I was technical director of Softball Canada, we started true national teams. Prior to this, the national champion would represent our country, bolstered with a few players. The problem was some teams weren’t the best ambassadors for our country. We decided to pick the best players, period, regardless of what team they played for.
At our first camp for our men’s team, we had 25 or so fragile egos assembled. Most of these players were used to being the best on their teams. Suddenly they were place in a university residence competing for the right to represent Canada. It became so stressful that one player simply left the camp halfway through.
As I mentioned, we were staying in a university dorm. This meant reasonably small, shared rooms with communal washrooms down the hall. Upon waking up, the players would meander towards the toilets to relieve themselves.
One of the coaches, Terry, did something very small that made a very big difference in the attitude of the players.
Each night, after the players had turned in for the night, he put a cartoon that he had enlarged at the doorway of the washroom. Each one was a guaranteed laugh, not just a snicker, but a real belly laugh.
Can you imagine the effect that this had on each player? Players would awaken hearing the sound of laughter. What a positive start to the day!
Think about what you can do each day to start the day with laughter and positive thoughts.
At our first camp for our men’s team, we had 25 or so fragile egos assembled. Most of these players were used to being the best on their teams. Suddenly they were place in a university residence competing for the right to represent Canada. It became so stressful that one player simply left the camp halfway through.
As I mentioned, we were staying in a university dorm. This meant reasonably small, shared rooms with communal washrooms down the hall. Upon waking up, the players would meander towards the toilets to relieve themselves.
One of the coaches, Terry, did something very small that made a very big difference in the attitude of the players.
Each night, after the players had turned in for the night, he put a cartoon that he had enlarged at the doorway of the washroom. Each one was a guaranteed laugh, not just a snicker, but a real belly laugh.
Can you imagine the effect that this had on each player? Players would awaken hearing the sound of laughter. What a positive start to the day!
Think about what you can do each day to start the day with laughter and positive thoughts.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Almost everybody likes cookies. If you ask people to name their favourite, I think chocolate chip would be the one mentioned the most.
I think love between two people is like a chocolate chip cookie. It comes in two parts. One is the chocolate chip; the other is the cookie. Pretty simple. There are a couple of things to learn, though.
If you don’t have enough chocolate chips in the cookie, it is pretty boring and not very tasty. Although I’ve never seen it, but if you had too many chocolate chips, my guess would be that the cookie would crumble.
Also, when the cookie is baked, the chocolate chip still stays distinct. It doesn’t blend with the cookie dough.
It is when the two are combined in the right quantity that the perfect cookie is made. Yet, it takes both elements being distinctly unique to create the amazing taste of the chocolate chip cookie.
How is your relationship with a loved one? Are there enough chocolate chips or too many? Are the chips distinct from the dough or is somebody trying to blend them together? It’s just not a chocolate chip cookie if you do that.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Submission
Wives, submit to your husbands... (Ephesians 5:21-22).
There are too many Christian women who have been physically and emotionally abused, because their husbands quote them this verse. Wives feel that they are not obeying God unless they totally submit to their husbands.
I am going to give you a slant to this that is not preached in many churches.
First, note that the passage does not say, “Husbands, tell your wives that they must submit to you.” Yet, how many husbands do this very thing? They try to make their wife a slave. They frustrate them by making them do things they don’t believe are right or exerting control, citing this passage as their divine right to be a dictator or tyrant.
The passage is addressed to the wives. I am happy to say that my wife is very intelligent. She can actually read and understand the words she reads. Thus, I will leave it to her to decide what it means. The apostle Paul, who wrote the text, was not talking to me. I will give her the freedom to do what this says or not. I will allow her to choose to submit to me or not.
Husbands often forget that there should be mutual submission in a marriage. Yes, he is to be the head, but he should be loving, not demanding.
Here is a point that I would like to make, though. If I have to quote this passage to my wife in an attempt to get her to do things my way, I have missed the whole point of love. Actually, having to bring this up to my wife is equal to admitting that I have probably failed as a husband. Rather than asking her to submit, I should be humbly asking for forgiveness. Otherwise, I would be trying to use God’s authority to try to control somebody into doing my will instead of using my love to allow my wife to see my heart and why I seek her cooperation.
Why?
If I truly love my wife, my love will be so inviting that she will actually want to submit to me. Submitting to me will allow me to give more to her and she will naturally desire this. It will not be against her will. My success as a husband should be to bring my wife to a position where she willingly submits. I am to make this choice a no-brainer for her. That’s my job as a man.
You see, you can force a person into submission or use love to draw them closer. I think in a marriage, the latter option is the one that is advocated. Unfortunately, too many husbands, who do not really love but seek control, erroneously think that forcing a person to submit is their divine right. They condemn their wives for not doing God’s will, when they are the ones who are not doing it.
By the way, my wife read this before I published it, and she agrees 100%, so here is my submission. And you know what? By asking her opinion and submitting to her suggestions, I have set the example that will make it much easier for her to treat me the same way.
There are too many Christian women who have been physically and emotionally abused, because their husbands quote them this verse. Wives feel that they are not obeying God unless they totally submit to their husbands.
I am going to give you a slant to this that is not preached in many churches.
First, note that the passage does not say, “Husbands, tell your wives that they must submit to you.” Yet, how many husbands do this very thing? They try to make their wife a slave. They frustrate them by making them do things they don’t believe are right or exerting control, citing this passage as their divine right to be a dictator or tyrant.
The passage is addressed to the wives. I am happy to say that my wife is very intelligent. She can actually read and understand the words she reads. Thus, I will leave it to her to decide what it means. The apostle Paul, who wrote the text, was not talking to me. I will give her the freedom to do what this says or not. I will allow her to choose to submit to me or not.
Husbands often forget that there should be mutual submission in a marriage. Yes, he is to be the head, but he should be loving, not demanding.
Here is a point that I would like to make, though. If I have to quote this passage to my wife in an attempt to get her to do things my way, I have missed the whole point of love. Actually, having to bring this up to my wife is equal to admitting that I have probably failed as a husband. Rather than asking her to submit, I should be humbly asking for forgiveness. Otherwise, I would be trying to use God’s authority to try to control somebody into doing my will instead of using my love to allow my wife to see my heart and why I seek her cooperation.
Why?
If I truly love my wife, my love will be so inviting that she will actually want to submit to me. Submitting to me will allow me to give more to her and she will naturally desire this. It will not be against her will. My success as a husband should be to bring my wife to a position where she willingly submits. I am to make this choice a no-brainer for her. That’s my job as a man.
You see, you can force a person into submission or use love to draw them closer. I think in a marriage, the latter option is the one that is advocated. Unfortunately, too many husbands, who do not really love but seek control, erroneously think that forcing a person to submit is their divine right. They condemn their wives for not doing God’s will, when they are the ones who are not doing it.
By the way, my wife read this before I published it, and she agrees 100%, so here is my submission. And you know what? By asking her opinion and submitting to her suggestions, I have set the example that will make it much easier for her to treat me the same way.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Have you Ever Really Loved a Woman?
Sometimes others just say it better than I can. Bryan Adams, Michael Kamen and Robert John "Mutt" Lange certainly do in a tune entitled "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" Produced in 1995, it was featured on the soundtrack of the film, Don Juan DeMarco. It is also on the album 18 Til I Die. Below is the link to it on YouTube.
One part of the song I like is “and give her wings when she wants to fly.” Too often men think that love is capturing a woman and making her theirs, when quite the opposite is true. Your love should be something that is inviting rather than demanding. It should attract her, not surround her. Your love should give her freedom, not confinement.
The other line is “you gotta give her some faith.” If the way you treat her leaves her doubting your love, then there is little on which to base the love. This one goes both ways, too.
Anyway, enjoy the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD2_Wb3hXHQ&feature=related
Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?
To really love a woman
To understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought
See every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly
And when you find yourself
Lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
To really love a woman
Let her hold you
Do you know how she needs to be touched?
You gotta breath her
Really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s going to last together
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
You got to give her some faith
Hold her tight
A little tenderness
You gotta treat her right
She’ll be there for you
Taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman
And when you find yourself
Lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last together
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
Tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
You’ve got to tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
One part of the song I like is “and give her wings when she wants to fly.” Too often men think that love is capturing a woman and making her theirs, when quite the opposite is true. Your love should be something that is inviting rather than demanding. It should attract her, not surround her. Your love should give her freedom, not confinement.
The other line is “you gotta give her some faith.” If the way you treat her leaves her doubting your love, then there is little on which to base the love. This one goes both ways, too.
Anyway, enjoy the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD2_Wb3hXHQ&feature=related
Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?
To really love a woman
To understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought
See every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly
And when you find yourself
Lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
To really love a woman
Let her hold you
Do you know how she needs to be touched?
You gotta breath her
Really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s going to last together
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
You got to give her some faith
Hold her tight
A little tenderness
You gotta treat her right
She’ll be there for you
Taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman
And when you find yourself
Lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last together
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
Tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
You’ve got to tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Doing the Right Things
As Valentine’s Day approaches, the florists and chocolate companies are gearing up for what is the busiest day of the year. Many men will be rushing to these stores so they can “do the right thing” for their loved one.
Guess what? Love is more than doing the right thing. I know a man who is trying to win the affection of a woman by trying to do the right things. It takes more than that.
Real love is also being the right thing and doing the things that show that you are the right thing. What do I mean?
Years ago, in my student days, I was dating a very charming woman. The only problem was that I didn’t have much money. I had to tell her that if she wanted to go out with me she might have to pay sometimes. It wasn’t that I was cheap. I was poor.
One time, though, I thought I would splurge. I was going to show up at her house with a box of chocolates. I even gift-wrapped them and put on a bow. My gift touched her deeply. Were the chocolates that great? No, it was actually a box of Smarties that cost about a dollar. What she saw was a man with very little money who would think of buying something for her. To her, those Smarties were more precious than the biggest box money could buy.
On another occasion, I showed up with a bunch of flowers. I lived in the country, so I gathered them from the side of the road. OK, so they were weeds. They still reached the soft spot in her heart. Why? I have allergies. When she saw me at her door with the posies and swollen eyes from them, she saw my character through the gift and not merely the gift. I was willing to suffer physical discomfort for her happiness.
It is not just the gift; it is how it is given.
Being the right thing is even more than this. If you are merely giving the gifts without the gift of yourself being the right thing attached, you are bribing the person. True, some people can be bought, but there is no real love.
So what is being the right thing? Qualities like honesty, trustworthiness, honour and sincerity come to mind. When you have these traits, you are presenting the real you, not some phoney person you don’t recognize.
So, if you are planning to do something special for Valentine’s Day to show your love, make sure it comes from your heart instead of merely coming from your wallet. Don’t just do the right thing. Be the right thing.
Guess what? Love is more than doing the right thing. I know a man who is trying to win the affection of a woman by trying to do the right things. It takes more than that.
Real love is also being the right thing and doing the things that show that you are the right thing. What do I mean?
Years ago, in my student days, I was dating a very charming woman. The only problem was that I didn’t have much money. I had to tell her that if she wanted to go out with me she might have to pay sometimes. It wasn’t that I was cheap. I was poor.
One time, though, I thought I would splurge. I was going to show up at her house with a box of chocolates. I even gift-wrapped them and put on a bow. My gift touched her deeply. Were the chocolates that great? No, it was actually a box of Smarties that cost about a dollar. What she saw was a man with very little money who would think of buying something for her. To her, those Smarties were more precious than the biggest box money could buy.
On another occasion, I showed up with a bunch of flowers. I lived in the country, so I gathered them from the side of the road. OK, so they were weeds. They still reached the soft spot in her heart. Why? I have allergies. When she saw me at her door with the posies and swollen eyes from them, she saw my character through the gift and not merely the gift. I was willing to suffer physical discomfort for her happiness.
It is not just the gift; it is how it is given.
Being the right thing is even more than this. If you are merely giving the gifts without the gift of yourself being the right thing attached, you are bribing the person. True, some people can be bought, but there is no real love.
So what is being the right thing? Qualities like honesty, trustworthiness, honour and sincerity come to mind. When you have these traits, you are presenting the real you, not some phoney person you don’t recognize.
So, if you are planning to do something special for Valentine’s Day to show your love, make sure it comes from your heart instead of merely coming from your wallet. Don’t just do the right thing. Be the right thing.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Silence
Have you ever noticed that just before a big storm there is a calm silence? It is an eerie feeling.
The same goes for people. I remember visiting one of my sister-in-laws long ago. Her child was asleep in his bedroom. Suddenly she got up and she said, “Excuse me. I have to go check on him. He’s too quiet.”
Those older than babies are like this. Often you sense that they are “quiet”, but a bit too quiet for their character. They draw into themselves. Quite often friends and family have sensed that something hasn’t been normal, but decided to let it be. I have read many newspaper articles where these loved ones have sensed something to be wrong, but said or did nothing just before a tragic event in the other person’s life. They wish they had paid attention to the signs and done something.
In my life, these times when I have been silenced by where I am in life, I have actually needed to know that people are concerned the most. It may have appeared that I didn’t want contact with anyone, but the opposite has been true.
Recently I attended a meeting where I just wasn’t myself. Something had happened and I was a bit upset. The next day, I received an email from one person. When I got home, there was a message on my phone from another asking if I was OK. You know what? I really appreciated these. It showed that these people cared enough to contact me. They took the risk of sticking their nose in my business. I could have told them to get lost, but they contacted me anyway.
Why?
They showed love. It’s easy to show love when everything is rolling along smoothly and somebody is “up”. You know real love is there when it takes the risk and responds to somebody when things get too silent.
The same goes for people. I remember visiting one of my sister-in-laws long ago. Her child was asleep in his bedroom. Suddenly she got up and she said, “Excuse me. I have to go check on him. He’s too quiet.”
Those older than babies are like this. Often you sense that they are “quiet”, but a bit too quiet for their character. They draw into themselves. Quite often friends and family have sensed that something hasn’t been normal, but decided to let it be. I have read many newspaper articles where these loved ones have sensed something to be wrong, but said or did nothing just before a tragic event in the other person’s life. They wish they had paid attention to the signs and done something.
In my life, these times when I have been silenced by where I am in life, I have actually needed to know that people are concerned the most. It may have appeared that I didn’t want contact with anyone, but the opposite has been true.
Recently I attended a meeting where I just wasn’t myself. Something had happened and I was a bit upset. The next day, I received an email from one person. When I got home, there was a message on my phone from another asking if I was OK. You know what? I really appreciated these. It showed that these people cared enough to contact me. They took the risk of sticking their nose in my business. I could have told them to get lost, but they contacted me anyway.
Why?
They showed love. It’s easy to show love when everything is rolling along smoothly and somebody is “up”. You know real love is there when it takes the risk and responds to somebody when things get too silent.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
The Good Conversation
Love is like a good conversation. So, what is a good conversation like?
It is somebody else and I contributing equally, each of us weaving our personality into the discussion. We bring all of the wisdom we have accumulated in our lives. We are separate beings intertwining our words to create something that enriches both of us.
The conversation explores life and searches for truth. The object is not to appear superior or defeat the other person. Both of us push and prod towards the goal. Neither person dominates as words dance from our spirits.
Both participants feel free to give our opinions without fearing judgement or being put down. In fact, differences are often celebrated as opportunities of enlightenment. While it may not change my viewpoint, it allows me to understand the spectrum that makes up human life. Every thought is important. Every piece of information is sifted and weighed carefully.
I have found that deep discussions involve many questions. It is nice if they are answered, but it is important that they are asked. Good conversations often leave some things unanswered so there is something to discuss next time.
A good conversation involves honesty. There is nothing to hide. Nothing is held back. There is a trust in the other person’s integrity. There is no fear in saying what you want to say or what needs to be said. That freedom allows spirits to soar and both people to explore their lives in great depth. It goes light years beyond the “Hello. How are you?” conversations that we have most days.
Usually, though not always, a good conversation involves laughter and joy. There is a passion to discover where the discussion will lead.
Finally, a good conversation is not all about me. My attention is focused on the other person and the result of my interaction.
At the end of a good conversation, both participants feel better for participating in it. Our spirits have been elevated and we are left longing for more.
Yes, to me love is like a good conversation.
It is somebody else and I contributing equally, each of us weaving our personality into the discussion. We bring all of the wisdom we have accumulated in our lives. We are separate beings intertwining our words to create something that enriches both of us.
The conversation explores life and searches for truth. The object is not to appear superior or defeat the other person. Both of us push and prod towards the goal. Neither person dominates as words dance from our spirits.
Both participants feel free to give our opinions without fearing judgement or being put down. In fact, differences are often celebrated as opportunities of enlightenment. While it may not change my viewpoint, it allows me to understand the spectrum that makes up human life. Every thought is important. Every piece of information is sifted and weighed carefully.
I have found that deep discussions involve many questions. It is nice if they are answered, but it is important that they are asked. Good conversations often leave some things unanswered so there is something to discuss next time.
A good conversation involves honesty. There is nothing to hide. Nothing is held back. There is a trust in the other person’s integrity. There is no fear in saying what you want to say or what needs to be said. That freedom allows spirits to soar and both people to explore their lives in great depth. It goes light years beyond the “Hello. How are you?” conversations that we have most days.
Usually, though not always, a good conversation involves laughter and joy. There is a passion to discover where the discussion will lead.
Finally, a good conversation is not all about me. My attention is focused on the other person and the result of my interaction.
At the end of a good conversation, both participants feel better for participating in it. Our spirits have been elevated and we are left longing for more.
Yes, to me love is like a good conversation.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Perhaps Love
With February comes Valentine’s Day. You think of Valentine’s Day and you think about love. During this month I will be writing some of my observations and research from various sources from time to time. I hope they will inspire you.
I leave you today with the thoughts of two songwriters. I figure that if they weren’t certain about love, it gives me the licence to pass on what I have learned without fear of it not making any sense. Maybe that’s one of the things about love. It doesn’t make sense.
Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s loves illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all
John Denver’s Perhaps Love
Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don’t know
Have a great day! <3 (turn the last figure counter-clockwise) ∞
I leave you today with the thoughts of two songwriters. I figure that if they weren’t certain about love, it gives me the licence to pass on what I have learned without fear of it not making any sense. Maybe that’s one of the things about love. It doesn’t make sense.
Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s loves illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all
John Denver’s Perhaps Love
Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don’t know
Have a great day! <3 (turn the last figure counter-clockwise) ∞
Friday, February 01, 2008
I Have Difficulty With That
It is hard not to like Bob Jones. He flashes his boyish smile and you feel happy around him. He seems so confident of himself and it rubs off on you. He does what he does with a passion. You just feel good when you are around Bob Jones.
There’s something else I have learned from him. He knows how to tell you he disagrees with you in the nicest way.
I confess, sometimes I am like a bull at a rodeo when I try to state my opinion. I thrash this way and that trying to make my point. While I may buck the rider, I usually don’t get the reaction I want from my friends.
I was working with Bob on a fundraising committee. His idea of fundraising and mine were very different. I was coming up with ideas right and left. He didn’t agree. What did he say? “I have difficulty with that.” He didn’t say he was right and I was wrong. He didn’t tell me that my ideas were absurd. He only said, “I have difficulty with that.”
These words stated in a gentle way that he disagreed, and that the problem might even be his. It also opened the way for me to see if I could discover a way that might make it less difficult for him.
Instead of pointing the finger at me, it focused on him. If he got his way, I knew why, but without his forcing his opinion on me. If my viewpoint was taken, I knew where he stood, but he didn’t sulk or go kicking and screaming. Nothing was drastic enough to destroy our friendship.
Was I able to make my fundraising ideas less difficult for him? No, but the way he handled it took away all of the confrontation that usually happens when two people don’t see eye to eye. We were actually able to joke about our differences.
I haven’t seen Bob Jones in a few years, but I still have fond memories of him. I love the lesson he taught me. Have I been able to practise his wisdom always? Let’s just say, “I have difficulty with that.”
There’s something else I have learned from him. He knows how to tell you he disagrees with you in the nicest way.
I confess, sometimes I am like a bull at a rodeo when I try to state my opinion. I thrash this way and that trying to make my point. While I may buck the rider, I usually don’t get the reaction I want from my friends.
I was working with Bob on a fundraising committee. His idea of fundraising and mine were very different. I was coming up with ideas right and left. He didn’t agree. What did he say? “I have difficulty with that.” He didn’t say he was right and I was wrong. He didn’t tell me that my ideas were absurd. He only said, “I have difficulty with that.”
These words stated in a gentle way that he disagreed, and that the problem might even be his. It also opened the way for me to see if I could discover a way that might make it less difficult for him.
Instead of pointing the finger at me, it focused on him. If he got his way, I knew why, but without his forcing his opinion on me. If my viewpoint was taken, I knew where he stood, but he didn’t sulk or go kicking and screaming. Nothing was drastic enough to destroy our friendship.
Was I able to make my fundraising ideas less difficult for him? No, but the way he handled it took away all of the confrontation that usually happens when two people don’t see eye to eye. We were actually able to joke about our differences.
I haven’t seen Bob Jones in a few years, but I still have fond memories of him. I love the lesson he taught me. Have I been able to practise his wisdom always? Let’s just say, “I have difficulty with that.”
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