The World’s Best

I was reading in the newspaper about the world’s best pizza dough spinner. This guy can really spin them and do tricks. He can make the crust while rolling it behind his back, through his legs and various other acrobatic contortions.

I remember a few other acts that have really wowed me. One was a juggler with Ice Capades. He juggled the usual swords, flaming batons and chain saws. What impressed me was hit throwing three Frisbees into the crowd and juggling them in this manner. I have trouble throwing one Frisbee and having it return to me! But it got even better. The climax was his juggling three ping-pong balls – in his mouth – while skating. It was simply amazing.

When I lived in England, there was a guy who could toss back a pint of beer while he was playing the piano without missing a note or spilling a drop. Again, simply amazing.

I figure there are enough things in the world, everybody has to be the best at something. One of my great unsung talents is that I can play tunes on a blade of grass. Most people can get it to squawk. I have a repertoire of several songs, including our national anthem. Maybe one day I will play for a Blue Jay game. The only problem I have is that I can only play in the summer. Also, I sometimes cut my lip on the grass. Anybody out there want to kiss it better?

I was fortunate enough to grow up with one of the virtuosos of all time. His name was Pete Hobday. His talent was belching. Hobday was a triple threat. He had volume. He could be heard from a great distance. He could sing tunes while belching. He could continually belch one after another hundreds of times.

How good was he? A friend of mine went to Germany in the 1970s. In the evening he visited a local pub for some beer. In the back was a crowd chanting in unison, “Hey, hey, hey, hey …” He decided to go back and investigate. As he got closer, he realized that the mob was chanting in sync with somebody belching. He thought, “That sounds like Hobday,” AND IT WAS!

So all you have to do is find your niche. As I said, I think I have found mine. If you want to book a grass player for your special occasion, just give me a call.