Hard on Myself

I hope that the world forgives me more than I forgive myself.

I don’t know why, but I am extremely hard on myself. I said something that I regret on Friday and I spent all weekend stewing about it. Forget the fact that getting upset does nothing to change the situation. I’m not even sure if I offended the other person. All I know is that I wish I had chosen my words more wisely.

Sometimes my mouth is like a cannon. Once the fuse is lit, out come the words, sometimes with great force. Once the shot is fired, it can be difficult to repair the damage.

Another habit I have when I am hard on myself is replaying the video of all the other times in my life that I have made mistakes. Can you imagine punishing yourself like this? Well, that’s just what I did.

Just like a rocket, my imagination takes over and I am visualizing various scenarios that probably won’t happen, but I still flagellate myself with these thoughts. I waste my time thinking of every “what if” scenario instead of enjoying life in the moment and dealing with the problems if they arise.

So, what am I doing? I am trying to replace these thoughts with good ones.

The first one is a question. Am I perfect? Can I accept the fact that I will make mistakes now and again? Sounds reasonable.

The second is whether my motive was malicious or not. It wasn’t. I just got a brief case of verbal diarrhoea, that’s all.

Then I try to remind myself of all the good things I have done in life. Do I want these negative thoughts to prevent me from doing more for people? Of course not!

Then snap out of it, John! And if you are going through the same process, you do it, too. Wasting energy on negative thoughts, especially ones that may not happen, is draining the potential of a full, positive life.