I just finished this book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It talked about the relationship between men and women in a way I had never heard before. Here is the short version of what it says.
Women need unconditional love from men. They need to know that no matter what, they are loved in so many wonderful ways.
However, the book states that unconditional love is not what a man needs. As the subtitle puts, what he desperately needs is unconditional respect. The book goes on to define what that means.
Eggerichs feels that many marriages fail because the woman fails to get the love she needs, while the man doesn’t get respect. Since the woman needs love to give respect and the man needs respect to give love, the result can be an endless cycle of conflict and needs not being met.
The book gave me lots to think about. It provided a few insights I had never realized.
What if he doesn’t deserve a woman’s respect and what if she doesn’t deserve the man’s love? That is where Dr. Eggerichs hits you with the word unconditional. Unconditional is a difficult word. His reasoning of its importance is that if you wait for the other person to supply what is needed, nothing will happen.
What I liked about the book was that it wasn’t too severe on either sex. It was gentle in instruction, but laid out the groundwork clearly.
Of course it was easy from my point of view to see all of the areas where women just didn’t get it. I’m sure a woman would have a field day with all of the areas where I am found lacking. The part that hit me between the eyes, though, was when he talked about women giving men unconditional love, figuring that it was what men needed because women need it so much. According to the good doctor, it is not what men need so much at all. Respect is the answer.
Interested? Go here and check it out - http://www.loveandrespect.com. Not interested? No problem, and if you have no problems whatsoever in your relationships, you should be writing a book.
2 comments:
Interesting concept but I'm sure you would agree, one person's opinion on a subject, even though it has been published, does not mean it should be held as factual. Food for thought perhaps and the basis for discussion, but not the definitive answer. I'm sure many or your readers would agree - you can fall in love with someone and you can repect someone but you can also fall out of love and lose repsect for them as well. People change. I want to be with the one that thrills me, that makes my heart leap at their sight and makes me laugh every day. That's not unconditional love - that's being in love. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the book.
Thanks for your comments. They are food for thought.
I agree 100% with your concept of not accepting something just because it is published. The only problem these days is that there are so many viewpoints out there, it becomes increasingly difficult to sift through the information to discern your version of the "truth". I have had some ideas on this perking in my head and I plan on writing on them soon. My goal was for you to consider what this author has to say. If it works for you, grand. If you choose not to accept his concepts, that's your right, too.
Part of the problem is that there is no way I can do the author justice in one short article, thus, what I say should be weighed carefully, which you have done.
Being anonymous, I have no idea if you are a man or a woman. If you are a woman, then your comments fit what the author had to say - wanting romantic love and maybe not understanding how important respect is to men.
I hear you wnen you want to be with someone who thrills you, etc. And, yes, you can fall out of love and lose respect for someone. My question for you is what do you do when this happens? Do you work at it and try to make it right, or do you move on to the the next person who will give you those thrills?
If your life and relationships are going along perfectly, I am very happy for you. Maybe you should write a book and pass along your wisdom (I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I really mean it.)
My experience in life has taught me that no matter whom you meet, there will be rough patches. Why? Nobody is perfect.
I can't think of many women that men would think would thrill them more than Shania Twain (that's the Canadian in me). However, apparently she wasn't enough to thrill Mutt forever. Sometimes the thrill just goes away, regardless of how strong it was initially. It can happen to anyone. What do you do?
The dilemma, according to the book, is that couples get into this mad cycle that a woman won't respect her man unless there is romantic love and a man finds it difficult to show romantic love if there is no respect.
Again, I don't know if it is true with women, but my experience with guys is that they positively beam if they are the first ones chosen when forming sports teams.
I feel the respect thing has some merit, though, perhaps for both sexes. The song that popped into my head was Roy Orbison's "Running Scared". I can't speak for women, but that song really speaks to me. It certainly isn't about love and a thrill. In fact, it says that the woman still loves the other guy. I certainly relate to the great feeling as a man I would have if somebody chooses to be with me over somebody else (and that is part of what the author defines as respect). Wow, choose me over someone else and my romantic love will come pouring out. Choose someone else over me and the effect will not be the same.
Here are the lyrics.
Just runnin scared each place we go
So afraid that he might show
Yeah, runnin scared, what would I do
If he came back and wanted you
Just runnin scared, feelin low
Runnin scared, you love him so
Just runnin scared, afraid to lose
If he came back which one would you choose
Then all at once he was standing there
So sure of himself, his head in the air
My heart was breaking, which one would it be
You turned around and walked away with me.
Hope I didn't bore you with the long reply.
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