Failing As Me

As I look back on my life so far, I see a lot of success. I am proud of many things I have attained.

There are also times when I have failed miserably. I have made wrong choices. I could have chosen words better. I have treated people poorly. I have behaved badly.

But I have grown. A few thoughts have helped me get through it all.

First, it has almost always not been my intent to make the mistake. I haven’t gone out purposely to try to blow it.

Second, I don’t think I have done anything that many people haven’t done. I’m not the only one in the world who has hurt somebody with unkind words. Haven’t others made bad decisions or am I all alone here?

Finally, in almost all cases I have acted genuinely. I have been true to myself, even though it may have resulted in my falling flat on my face. Let me explain.

I decided long ago that if I am going to fail, I am going to fail, not some other guy pretending to be me. You see, I can correct mistakes that I make. I can’t correct the mistakes that an imposter in my body makes.

An example is my job as an occasional teacher. When I first started, I tried to be what I thought what a teacher should be. I observed others and tried to imitate them. I failed miserably, but I didn’t know what to do to improve.

One day, I decided to just be me. I flopped just as much, but this time I could go back to the drawing board and try to figure out what I could do to improve, something I couldn’t do for my pretend teacher. Slowly I got better and better. Sure, my style could be described as unorthodox and even quirky, but it works for me and the students seem to enjoy it.

Another advantage of being genuine has been the growth of my ability to forgive. Although it has been a hard process, I have learned to forgive myself for my mistakes. I can’t forgive that other guy I’m not, because I’m not really sure who he is. If I can forgive myself, the real me, it becomes that much easier to forgive others. Why? Why not? Should I treat others any different than I treat myself?