Facebook

"Hi John .... long time since the Haig." That's what the message said. It was somebody asking me on Facebook to be added as a friend. My reply went something like this, "I'm not trying to be unfriendly, but I seem to forget who you are. How do you know me?" She replied that she really didn't know me, but since we both went to the same high school, she thought I might add her as a friend.

Don't you just love Facebook? It can really put you on the spot. Once in awhile, you are put on the spot when somebody asks you to be a friend and you don't know what to do.

As far as I can understand there are only a few reasons why I wouldn't add her as my friend.

First, I don't really consider her to be a friend, thus I feel I am under no obligation to add her. This is exactly how I feel about the request I just had. I have no idea who this woman is, so I have no intention of adding her as my friend. She admits that she really doesn't know me. She could have lied and told me that she used to admire me from afar many years ago, but, no, she was honest (which was appreciated) and confessed that I was only a name in a list of people who attended Earl Haig Secondary School in Willowdale.

Also, I could just forget to add her as a friend. It could completely slip my mind. I don't think I can do it with this former graduate of my high school. I have sent her two or three messages asking for clarification. There will be no doubt in her mind that not accepting her offer of friendship is not due to forgetfulness.

Reason number three is that I have some pretty important people on my list. For example, if the Prime Minister of Canada was on my list, I would be hesitant to have many others on my list of friends. Mind you, I could create an alternate identity for one set of friends and another for people like the Prime Minister, couldn't I? However, if she is a really good friend, can't she be trusted not to bother these people? Anyway, do I really want to go to all the effort of having two identities? I'm having enough trouble leading one life, let alone two.

The next two reasons are painful. Four is that I don't want anyone to know that she is my friend. Ouch! If that is the case, then I am not really a friend. I want to show my friends off to the world, not hide them. Hidden friends are only friends of convenience. In my books, they are being used.

Finally, the only other reason I would reject people is that I wouldn't want them to see my friends. It reminds me of George in Seinfeld when he doesn't want his girlfriend to meet his other friends. He doesn't want his two worlds to collide. Again, if people are my friends, they are my friends. And all of my friends can meet my other friends. It is as simple as that for me.

Even so, I have come close to adding this person as a friend, even though I don't have the foggiest idea who she is. The social pressure Facebook puts on me is pretty great. But I guess I have one other reason to ignore her request. Really, do you think she is interested in reading all sorts of stuff about somebody she really doesn't know? I would prefer that she spends her time developing relationships with those close to her, not somebody she has never met.

In spite of all these pressures, there is one thing I do like about Facebook. It can help you get in touch with people you have somehow lost. I reunited with a great friend of mine, Birnie. In fact, if you ever read The Corsage in my blog, he is the one who set me up on a blind date. He also helped me through a difficult time in my life. And, yes, I asked him to be my friend and he accepted. Of course he did. He was a friend and always will be.