Razor Blades

It all started with a single blade with two edges in the good old days. It did a great job of removing the hair from your face. It also did a very good job of scraping half of the skin from your face and slitting your throat at the same time. You would then splash on some cheap after shave, something like Aqua Velva or Brut if you were more adventurous, let out a scream like Tarzan and apply a roll of toilet tissue to the open gash. You felt that you gave less blood to the Red Cross, yet they used to call this a "safety" razor.

Next came the twin blade. Smoother shave, less blood, more efficient and a bit pricier.

Hmm, how do we improve it? Let's allow the head to pivot, and charge people a bit more. And then we can put a Teflon strip to help it glide better.

What comes after two blades? Three, of course! And we will get the pivoting head, the Teflon strip and add a battery-operated vibration to nick those little hairs in style.

You guessed it. They have one with four now. How long will it take before there are ten blades.

I like progress, though. I also appreciate the skin that has been allowed to grow back on my neck. However, there is something that has got me pretty steamed up.

Razor blades cost too much. I remember when you used to get ten of the original safety razor blades for less than a buck. I just bought eight triple blades and the bill came to over twenty-nine dollars. It can't cost even close to that to make them.

Since one of the Gillettes owns the New England Patriots, I figure I am financing the football team with my grooming aids. Now I like football, but I figure Tom Brady can make a few million less if it means cheaper razor blades.

What is a man to do? Do I protest by growing a beard? At this stage in life, I don't need more white hair. I am surprised that somebody hasn't started making generic blades. My guess is that there is some sort of patent on the design so it can't be copied.

I have an idea. I should create a holder that fits into the Gillette razor that holds blades made to my design. I could make millions. I might be able to buy the Phoenix Coyotes and move them to Hamilton. Wait, somebody has just tried to do that and failed. Anyway, I could have a lot of fun with my money.

Or maybe I could find a way to go back to the original double-edge safety blade, that is if they sell them anywhere. I may go even one better. I will buy a straight edge razor, the one you see barbers weild in the old westerns. You have to sharpen them on a leather strop, but they seem to give a pretty close shave and at a fraction of the cost.