You’re Right!

“You’re right, Peter,” I shouted across the gym when I arrived for badminton. It had been a bad day. Everything had gone wrong. Nothing provoked my outburst except the needed assurance that something or someone in the world was right. Peter was my target. His response echoed my comment. “You’re right, too, John.” Suddenly, I felt a lot better. The affirmation that I was OK warmed my soul.

At our badminton club, it’s become a regular greeting for Peter and me. It’s a bit of a joke, but it still feels good. That small interjection has helped me know the man better. What was a mere acquaintance has blossomed into a friendship.

The problem is that I don’t do this often enough. I let negative thoughts creep in. I think poorly of people when I have the option to feel differently. I look at our differences instead of what we have in common. I start wishing they were more like me, instead of celebrating their uniqueness. I might even say something negative about them.

Years ago, I learned how powerful thinking positive about someone can be. A board member of mine needed something delivered to her. The problem was it was during a snowstorm and my car heater didn’t work. I arrived at her door shivering. She saw my plight and invited me in for a warm cup of tea before sending me home.

Soon after, she started doing and saying some pretty nasty things. When the phone rang and I heard her voice barking at me, I immediately tensed up. When I sensed this, I replaced it with the picture of her giving me hot tea on that cold night. I relaxed and my voice became soothing instead of aggressive.

Six months later, she called and boldly asked me to explain myself. I asked her what she meant. She said she realized she had been treating me badly for so long, but she couldn’t understand why I had responded with kindness. She confessed her actions were due to difficulties she was having at work and not me. I told her that deep down I knew that this wasn’t her true self. The real person was the one who had given me hot tea on a cold night. I had chosen to think good things about her.
I could have gotten angry and argued back. Maybe I would have gotten her respect. I’m not sure I would have won her friendship. This way I got both and received the admiration of others who watched my quiet dignity in response to her attacks. This was a case where doing right was much more important than being right.

The way I figure, I have a choice to make every day when I wake up. I can be positive or negative. Experience has taught me that being negative doesn’t work very well.

As an occasional teacher, I faced the same decision every time I stepped into a classroom. I found that the best days occurred when the students saw that I truly wanted to be with them. I did my best to find something positive about them as soon as I arrived.

However, I often fall flat on my face. I say or do the wrong thing in spite of my intentions. It can be so easy being negative and finding faults. I have suffered from foot in mouth disease.

Realizing my imperfections helps me a lot, though. Who am I to criticize when I am far less than perfect? So I try to find the positive in everyone. I don’t always succeed. It’s difficult to love people when they don’t love themselves. In those cases, rather than stay and fight, I usually just remove myself from the situation.
Anyway, who wants to be around a negative person? I don’t. When I’m negative, I don’t want to be around myself. Why should others?

Every day I’m trying to make a conscious effort to find something good about everyone. I find that when I am positive others feel better and so do I. The world seems a little bit better. Why not give it a try? Tell some people you know how wonderful they are. And if you see Peter, tell him he’s right.