Being the World’s Greatest Lover

I am trying to be one of the world’s greatest lovers. Don’t laugh too hard. When I say this, I am really emphasizing the word “trying”. In this quest, I have learned a few lessons about life.

The first is that there is a big difference between like and love when it comes to people. I really like people who think like I do. I usually don’t like those who don’t see things the same way I do. However, it makes no difference with the people I love. I love them when they agree with me. I love them when they don’t. In fact, there are some things I don’t like about the people I love. Doesn’t matter. I love them anyway.

Next is forgiveness. My first lesson was when I was 5. I still remember his name, Graham Henderson. When I moved to my new neighbourhood, he initiated me by rubbing my nose in dog poo. I was angry, humiliated and vowed to get revenge. It would have to wait, because he was older than I was. I spent many hours visualizing giving him a thrashing.

The time came when I had grown enough that I thought I could beat him up the next time I saw him. Then I heard an ominous sound – a moving truck. It pulled into the Henderson’s driveway. Wanting one last chance at retribution, I asked to see Graham, the object of my years of waiting. I was told that he had left for his new home and wouldn’t be back.

I realized I had wasted so much time planning my revenge, only to have it tossed away in an instant, totally out of my control. Had I spent this time doing positive things instead of planning someone’s demise, I would have been much further ahead.

Same thing happened with Dougie Ball. He had hit me in the head with a snowball, so I stuck one in the freezer for months. On a hot July day, I waited for him. When he arrived, I wound up, tossed the very hard snowball – and missed!

It took me quite a few more years to realize that forgiveness was a much better route. By forgiveness, I don’t mean allowing abuse to continue. Here’s what I mean.

Whether intentional or not, people sometimes do things that upset me or make my life more difficult. I can decide to get back. You know, an eye for an eye, but Gandhi probably said it best: “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
I now realize that not forgiving means I am carrying around the hurt all the time. Holding on allows that person to still have some control over me. I don’t want that.

It’s so much better to forgive a person and release the burden. The other fact is that the wrongdoer might not even care if he is forgiven or not. Do I want to be the only one who cares about the wrongdoing and suffer some more? No!

Forgiveness in my mind means releasing anything that stops you from being the person you were meant to be. Spend time on who you can be and avoid anything that prevents you from reaching your potential.

Finally, being one of the world’s greatest lovers means giving a lot of what is most precious about me. Part of the process is realizing that what I have is, indeed, precious. If I don’t think very highly of myself, then what I give to others isn’t very valuable. People who remain in abusive situations because they “love” somebody don’t get this. It is my job to be the best me I can be so I can give the very best to others.

So I continue my journey down the road of life in my quest to be one of the world’s greatest lovers. It is filled with quite a few bumps and potholes. Sometimes I go in reverse, but at least I keep heading towards the destination. I realize I’ve got a long way to go, but having love in my heart during the voyage feels a lot better than hatred.