The Game of Cosby

“How do you feel about being a father?” my wife asked over the telephone. I was at a board meeting in Montreal. I knew that this wasn’t news that she was pregnant. What did she mean?

A family in our area needed help over a rough patch in their life. In order to give everybody a break, we were asked to take in teenage twins for a few weeks, which later stretched into couple of years.

“Sure,” I replied. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but our four-bedroom home was too big for two people. It seemed logical to fill it with others.

As I look back at that time, I don’t regret it. Was it challenging? Yes. Did we make mistakes? Yes. However, I can honestly say that we did our best. I think everybody, including the boys, learned from the experience.

There were times when life was pretty insane, though. Marie and I found a technique to help us keep laughing, even in the worst of times.

This was in the era of The Cosby Show. Bill Cosby played Cliff Huxtable, the father. The mother, Olivia, was portrayed by Phylicia Rashad. They were the perfect parents, if that is even possible. Of course they were! All of their lines were scripted for them. They had the perfect response for every situation.

Compare that to our experience at the Improv. How do you respond to the turmoil the puberty brings? How do you cope with the everyday family life of kids who aren’t your own, ones who have been shaped differently by others? You do whatever you can without losing yourself in the tornado of emotions. We also played the game of Cosby.

Every night before we went to bed, Marie and I would rate our performance out of 10 as Cliff and Olivia. There were different categories: our presentation, what we said, and how it was accepted. Sometimes our most brilliant speeches fell on deaf ears.

I still remember my top performance. It scored 10s all across the board.

Kids go through a stage when they don’t want to touch water to when they want to take on more water than the Titanic. Showers that were 30 seconds ballooned into 20 minutes. Baths, which were non-existant, suddenly had the tub filled to the brim.

Curing the showers was easy. You just shut off the hot water. Cold showers are great for teenagers. The bath was another problem. I would have to appeal to their minds.

I started by saying, “I am going to tell you a secret that has been passed down through the Stevens family from generation to generation. When you have children, you will pass it on to them and it will continue on until the end of time. Are you ready for it? It is Stevens’ Law of how high you should fill the bathtub when you bathe. Here is the secret. You fill it up until it covers your private parts. Now I realize that you boys are much better endowed than I am, but I think filling the tub up to the brim is an exaggeration.”

The boys laughed, but I knew the point had been received well. A bit of humour, a pinch of flattery, tossed in with a smudge of logic. The hot water heater was much happier after that.

Are your teens a bit of a challenge for you? Try playing the game of Cosby. I just may help you keep your sanity.