Alvin II

I wrote a few days ago about Alvin (not his actual name), a boy who never told a lie, but didn’t quite tell the truth, either. In many ways, Alvin was a great guy. Everybody was his friend. On the surface, this sounds pretty wonderful, but it caused him many problems.

There is a saying that who your friends are will determine who you become. Many of his friends were kind individuals who respected others. Many of his friends were not. They got Alvin into trouble. It was almost as if all of the positive things some friends put into his life were cancelled by the others.

For example, he once got caught stealing batteries at Zellers. He was out on bail when he did this. Had he been turned in, he would have gone straight to jail. Fortunately, the security guard knew him and let him off the hook.

I asked Alvin why he would do such a thing, especially when he knew that the consequences could be very harsh. His reply astonished me. He said that he did it because his friend needed the batteries and didn’t have any money, so when his friend asked him to steal them for him, he did to show how good of a friend he was.

His so-called friends would ask him if he would do something. Alvin usually said, “Yes.” They then asked him to do something wrong. When he tried to get out of it, they would remind Alvin that he promised. Not wanting to be called a liar, he would do what they wanted.

It was almost as if Alvin lived a double life. The friends in one life never met the friends in the other.

I remember the day I happened to bump into Alvin with his other friends. He looked at me, and then pretended he didn’t know me. It was if I didn’t exist. I was somebody who had posted a bond for him for bail. I had helped him in so many situations. I had done so much for him. Yet when it came time for him to choose between me and friends who got him into trouble, he chose them.

I often wonder why he did that. The best way I can explain it is that he felt I would be more forgiving and that my love was unconditional. If he looked bad in front of his friends, they might not like him. He felt more secure that I would love him, even if he ignored me. And you know what? He was right. I still care deeply for Alvin and I wish the best for him. In fact, his picture is still on our refrigerator.

Yes, it hurt, but not for too long. There are about 5 billion people in the world. I can’t love all of them. I have to be selective with the people I invest my time with. Alvin seemed to choose a path that I wasn’t prepared to walk down, so he was separating himself from my love for the approval of others. Having moved around quite a bit in life, I have found that even with close friends, moving away can make it difficult to carry on a friendship.

As they say, some people are brought into your life for a season, others for a lifetime. It appears that Alvin was placed in my life for only a few years. I look back fondly to those times. No, he wasn’t perfect, but neither am I. My hope is that he has learned some valuable lessons on his journey through life. I appreciate what he taught me.