Is Love an Illusion?

Is love an illusion? That is a very interesting question. My answer, in one word, is yes. It is an illusion, but not in the way you might think and not in the literal sense. It is not fake. Here is my take.


With this entry is a picture of an optical illusion. At first glance you see one thing. As you look longer, you see another. I think love is like that. If what you see is so obvious and understood, then it is not love. It is only when you don’t fully understand it that you see its magical qualities. Let me give an example.

When I was a student at the University of Alberta, some friends did things from time to time that helped me immensely. They invited me into their homes for meals. One man gave me $800 for a vehicle I was only asking $400 for. They were showing love for no reason at all. How could they benefit from what they gave me? I had nothing to give in return. In fact, I have lost touch with all of them. They gave to me with no apparent gain at all.

That is part of the secret. If you are giving because of what you might get, then you are only bartering.

Real love is much more mystical than that. It doesn’t make sense at all. It just is. And it is when you don’t understand it that you know it is real.

Let me give you an example from literature. It is from A Tale of Two Cities. In the book, Sydney Carton exchanges places with Charles Darnay, who happens to be married to Lucie, the woman he wanted to marry before she chose Darnay.

His giving his life to his rival doesn’t make sense. Carton could have easily let him die and could have looked forward to consoling Lucie. That would have made more sense. I would have understood that. He does the one thing that will separate him for life from the woman he loves. As he steps into the cart going to the guillotine, he consoles a young woman who faces the same fate.

It is when Carton’s love is understood the least that it is at its greatest.

During the Second World War a pastor did something similar. The children were separated from the adults to be sent to the gas chamber. Many were crying. He asked to go with the children so he could comfort them in their final moments. They were going to die anyway. Why would he do this?

What is even more unusual is that people often reject the love they don’t understand for that very reason. They don’t understand it. Someone pays attention to me and makes me feel good for selfish reasons and I think it is love. Another doesn’t give into my every whim, knowing that to do so isn’t in my best interest and I don’t feel so positive.

Yes, love is certainly an illusion in the magical sense. If you ever have the privilege to experience it, recognize it for the fullness that it is and never let it go.