Who's to Blame?

I was reading in the Toronto Star about a man who is suing Canada's federal government because he believes that it should have screened his wife for the HIV virus when she immigrated from Hong Kong.

The man has been infected and his wife was convicted for aggavated assualt and criminal negligence causing bodily harm in 2007. She is appealing this conviction.

He is going after $33 million in his civil lawsuit.

If he wins the case, this will go down in my books as equal to the money doled out to the person who spilled hot coffee on himself. Here's why.

This guy didn't marry a shy, oriental girl. This Thai woman was a former dancer at the Zanzibar club on Yonge Street in Toronto. In case you don't know, the Zanzibar has been a strip joint for years. Shouldn't that have been a red flag that this man should get his future wife checked out thoroughly before he got married?

If a couple considering matrimony really loves each other, there should be nothing wrong for both of them to consent to a medical examination for all sorts of things with full disclosure of the result to the other.

Maybe I don't have all of the facts, but for this man to blame the government for his mistake is shifting the blame too much. He made a big mistake. He has AIDs, and I am sorry that he is in this position. It's time he realizes that he has to live with his bad decision and quit blaming others. Where did all of his responsibility go in this case? Perhaps his marrying this girl shows that love is blind. It also seems that his anger is showing equal blindness to the role he played in all of this.

San Gimignano

When we went to Tuscany, we stayed in an apartment in a vineyard. It's called agritourism, which means that you stay on a farm. We woke up in the mornings to find the valley clothed in fog and the sun burning it away like somebody pulling back the covers when he awakes. In each direction we looked there were spectacular views, but not as nice as the town of San Gimgnano in the distance. Below is the view from our front yard.

During the height of the tourist season, I imagine that it is clogged with people. We were there before the onslaught and found it charming.

While I live in a wonderful place, I long to get back to Europe.

Bonuses

Tell me if I have it wrong. If I don’t understand, please explain to me as well where I have it wrong.

On the television show, Wheel of Fortune, there is a bonus round. In order to get to it, you have to win the regular competition against two other opponents. Every quiz program I have watched in my life is like this.

Then why, oh why, are the executives of companies that are being bailed out by governments still receiving their bonuses? Isn’t a bonus supposed to be a reward for doing something right? They have driven their operations, often irresponsibly, into difficult times. The way I figure, I could have done the same quite nicely at half the salary. I also wouldn’t have expected a bonus.

Isn’t that the way we are today, though? We are so afraid of messing up somebody’s mind psychologically. We pretend somebody is doing well when he isn’t. Our education system certainly reflects this. Nobody has to repeat a grade anymore. The result is some students don’t exert any effort because there are no consequences for failing.

I have fallen on my face many times in life. I have also learned a great deal from each episode. While there may have been some scars along the way, I prefer to look at them as battle wounds – memories of lessons learned. Yes, I would have preferred to have not screwed up from time to time. I can still look at my life with pride and say that each time I have picked myself up and have grown from the experience.

What I would never expect when I make a big mistake is to be rewarded for it. That would be a big joke. It would also make me wonder if I might be even better off making more gaffes with even greater compensation.

I almost feel guilty writing today’s blog. It really isn’t that clever. I’m not really saying very much that many others aren’t thinking. My hope is that those who are receiving these bonuses for failure have some sort of a conscience and won’t accept the money. Somehow I doubt it. That’s sad, but it is a good commentary on life today. We have become such a tolerant society. We even tolerate the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer.

The Warm Morning Sunshine

I woke up this morning with a tune in my head. I quickly scrambled down to my computer and put the notes on a software to compose music that I recently downloaded. Just to make sure that it stuck in my mind, I quickly jotted down some lyrics to help me remember. Perhaps being so close to St. Patrick's Day, it has an Irish melody. I hope you enjoy it.

In the warm morning sunrise
I look into your eyes
And I see all the glory
That greets the new day
It’s a memory that haunts me
But it never will daunt me
Cause I know that my true love
Will not go away

Though the cold wind may blow
And the rain turns to snow
In my memory will always remain
Of a new day that’s growing
And the hope in the knowing
That your love will erase all my pain

Our mistakes are behind us
Though they may still remind us
That we stumble and fall
Along life’s rocky way
But as long as we get up
We never will let up
We will cherish each moment
As we face each new day

I may add to it later on, so stay tuned.

Another Milestone

It's great when you set a goal and reach it. Today has been that kind of day. Mind you it has taken two days of not being able to keep much food inside my body to achieve it, but I have still made it.

I stood on the scale today and for the first time since 1979 I have weighed 180 pounds. My goal is to lose 10 more pounds, hopefully without getting sick, and get down to the weight I was when I was twenty-six years old, 170 pounds. And to think I was 228 pounds. That's almost 50 pounds. Can you imagine carrying around an extra 50 pounds of weight every day?

Aside from being healthier and in better physical shape, it has its emotional effects, too. I know that I look better than I have for a long time. It's not that I looked so terrible before - at least, I hope not - it's just that my body is more attractive to look at. And it really isn't that important how others look at me, it's how I look at myself that counts. I feel more positive. It's that simple.

The only disadvantage is that I have many baggy clothes right now. Fortunately, I like a loose fit. However, I need to visit a used clothing depot soon. I can't afford to buy all new stuff right now.

Maybe now is the time to contact one of those makeover shows.

I am sick

It's the first weekend of March break and I am sick. I didn't plan it that way,but I woke up Saturday morning looking down the toilet, if you know what I mean. I have spent most of the weekend resting and not eating much. I have been trying to purge myself of whatever is in my by any means possible. Again, I leave this up to your imagination.

Usually I am in good health, but once a year it seems I catch something. Considering I am near 200 different people in a week as an occasional teacher, that seems pretty fair. This past week, though, I was teaching music. I had over 100 students every day, so the chances of catching something are increased.

As crummy as I feel, it is still comforting to know that in a few days I will be feeling much better. I'll talk to you then.

Raccoon

Failing As Me

As I look back on my life so far, I see a lot of success. I am proud of many things I have attained.

There are also times when I have failed miserably. I have made wrong choices. I could have chosen words better. I have treated people poorly. I have behaved badly.

But I have grown. A few thoughts have helped me get through it all.

First, it has almost always not been my intent to make the mistake. I haven’t gone out purposely to try to blow it.

Second, I don’t think I have done anything that many people haven’t done. I’m not the only one in the world who has hurt somebody with unkind words. Haven’t others made bad decisions or am I all alone here?

Finally, in almost all cases I have acted genuinely. I have been true to myself, even though it may have resulted in my falling flat on my face. Let me explain.

I decided long ago that if I am going to fail, I am going to fail, not some other guy pretending to be me. You see, I can correct mistakes that I make. I can’t correct the mistakes that an imposter in my body makes.

An example is my job as an occasional teacher. When I first started, I tried to be what I thought what a teacher should be. I observed others and tried to imitate them. I failed miserably, but I didn’t know what to do to improve.

One day, I decided to just be me. I flopped just as much, but this time I could go back to the drawing board and try to figure out what I could do to improve, something I couldn’t do for my pretend teacher. Slowly I got better and better. Sure, my style could be described as unorthodox and even quirky, but it works for me and the students seem to enjoy it.

Another advantage of being genuine has been the growth of my ability to forgive. Although it has been a hard process, I have learned to forgive myself for my mistakes. I can’t forgive that other guy I’m not, because I’m not really sure who he is. If I can forgive myself, the real me, it becomes that much easier to forgive others. Why? Why not? Should I treat others any different than I treat myself?

The Sari Shop

When I was in India, I came upon this sari shop. I was impressed with the vibrant colours. The result is this photo.

Water and Words

Water is necessary in this world for life. Some living creatures need more than others, but it is the basis of all life as far as I know. No water, no life. It’s as simple as that.

Words are a bit like water. They can be sprinkled generously on a parched soul. They can also be applied too greatly and drown somebody. Like hail, they can destroy another’s ego in seconds. The cold blast of snow in the winter can freeze all life until spring turns again.

Isn’t the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet one of the most annoying sounds on earth? As well as the sound it makes, it eventually corrodes the sink. Are your words a welcome delight to the ears of others or do they grate on their nerves?

How many of us have seen how the crashing waves have sculpted the hardest rock over time?

Unless applied in the correct measure and warmed in love, the effect of words, like water, can be devastating and permanent. Unfortunately, like water, they flow so easily and once released, can’t be taken back. How many reputations have been ruined by a poorly-chosen phrase at the wrong moment?

If we are honest, we all can think of circumstances when our words have encouraged somebody’s spirit. Our words have also left a path of destruction.

I like to think of myself as a work in progress. While my tongue still gets me in trouble from time to time, I hope I am getting better. My desire is that my words become a source of nourishment and life to others. I want them to help love grow.

Fortunately, putting my foot in my mouth has allowed me to forgive others when they slip up. Hopefully, they can forgive my shortcomings, too.

The Chinese Man

I don't know what it is, but I feel that Chinese people enjoy being photographed. I have never tried to take a picture of somebody and have them reject me.

Well, there was one time. I tried to take a photo of a man making noodles that were sort of like spaghetti. Over here pasta is rolled in a special machine. In China, the chefs, like magicians, take the dough and in seconds waive their fingers in the air and make it into strands. It happens so fast. I really can't put the process into words. When I tried to take a photograph of somebody doing this, the man refused to let me do it. I guess he though I was trying to get his secret.

Other than this instance, the Chinese have always been willing to pose. The photo below is an example. I didn't know this man and he didn't speak any English, yet he let me take his photograph. He looks so relaxed and peaceful.

The River

Living beside a river sometimes yields some spectacular view. I especially like it when the water is like a mirror. The placidness reflects the beauty of the surroundings. Below are two examples of what I mean.





There are times in my life when I felt this same calmness and all of the joy surrounding you is reflected. Maybe it's time I appreciated these moments more. Maybe it's time to create those moments of calmness so I can reflect the beauty around me more.

Frozen in Time

While I was in Italy, I saw these women creating a window display in an art shop. I like the way that one of them seemed frozen in space leaning against the window. The other reminds me of some of the women in the artwork they are displaying.

Commitment

I remember the NHL draft when the Quebec Nordiques selected Eric Lindros. While he was picked first overall, he made it very clear that he wasn’t going to play for that team with one gesture. It is traditional that a player is presented with a sweater and he puts it on. Lindros was given one, but he refused to wear it.

It all comes down to commitment. Think of the things you are committed to in your life. Just how strong are you linked to them? Have you put on the sweater figuratively for them? If you haven’t then you are only going through the motions. Your feelings aren’t strong enough to be identified with them.

How close are you to your family, for example? Are you wearing the colours proudly or are you living your own existence independently?

Are you waving the flag for the company you work for or are you merely picking up your pay every two weeks?

No matter what you do, you have the choice of merely going through the motions or putting your heart in it. The difference in it all is commitment.

Venice statue

While I figure there are quite a few tourists who have a similar photo, I still chuckle when I look at this on. It was taken in St. Mark's Square in Venice.



I'm getting a bit lazy, but I hope you are enjoying my photos.

Storytelling Festival

This is the photo that has pretty much defined the St. Marys Storytelling Festival. It shows Mark Fletcher leading the kids from Holy Name of Mary School down to the flats like a Pied Piper.

I actually saw the photo in my head the day before. Everyone was coming down a hill, so I was able to get a nice camera angle. I persuaded the principal to allow the students to fan out and take up the whole street instead of walking safely on the sidewalk. Then I snapped away. I actually took two shots. This one turned out the best.

It appeared on the front page of one of the sections of the London Free Press's Saturday edition in 2004. Since then, it has been used on numerous posters and publicity opportunities.

What I like about it is the "you had to be there at the right moment" aspect. I love photos that can't be repeated. They capture a moment in time. It also tells a story.

A Winter's Morn

I don't know why I like this, but I do.

The Photo Shoot

I love photos that tell a story. I was at a wedding and quickly shot this one. On the left is the professional. On the right is the very young amateur. Each of them is trying to capture the moment of the joyous occasion.

Amber

In 1999, I had the good fortune to have a contract teaching computer courses at the Canadian Embassy in Warsaw, Poland.

While I was there I would pass the time on weekends browsing through the shops, often looking for mementos. When I travel I like to bring back unique items that remind me of each place. Venturing into a jewellery shop, I learned a valuable lesson about amber.

Amber is fossil tree resin. While it can be many colours, it is usually sort of a yellowish orange-brown. I found out that it could be rather expensive, too.

While I was looking at several necklaces, I noticed that there was a bug that had been stuck in one of them. The price was higher than one with clear amber. I asked the saleslady if a mistake had been made. Why should I pay for something with this imperfection? She laughed and quickly told me that it was this insect that had been trapped in the gooey resin that made it all the more valuable. She showed me more pieces containing other species. Each one told a story. The more creatures contained in the amber, the more valuable it was.

Sometimes I feel that my life is like amber. There are many things that have been “stuck” into my story through the years. Others may view them as imperfections. In fact, my amber has lots of things trapped inside. It shows a life well lived. Each speck reminds me of a lesson learned. My character has been built from the sum of all of them. I then realize just how valuable I am.

Happy Family Day

On Monday, Ontario celebrated its second Family Day. The idea was to create a February holiday for the clan to get together and spend quality time. It sounds like a great idea, but is it?

Before I sound too negative, let me applaud the idea. I think it is great that families get together and do stuff. We need more of that. It’s just that I think that the current Family Day needs a bit of tweaking.

I asked members of my ESL class yesterday what they did on Family Day. Most of them spent the day quietly at home. They worked on chores or watched television. None went out and did anything. The same happened in our household. Why?

I live in a small town. When everything is shut down, there isn’t much to do. I went to the YMCA in the morning. Its hours had been reduced so it closed at two in the afternoon. Other than that, only the swimming pool was open. I can’t swim.

If you live in Toronto or Ottawa, there are so many activities that are available to you. You can even go shopping because the Eaton Centre, a vast shopping mall, is considered a tourist attraction. I can’t imagine going to the Ontario Science Centre on Family Day. Wading through the noisy crowds is not my idea of quality time.

I guess I could have gone for a walk, but it wasn’t a very nice day. I prefer to take my strolls in warmer weather.

My guess is that many families did very little together. The kids sat in their rooms watching television or on the computer and the parents did their own thing.

Here are my suggestions to make Family Day a bit more practical.

Make it optional for storeowners. In today’s economic climate, why take away a potential day to make money from people who are trying to make an honest buck? Shopping could then be an option. I would have loved to have gone to a local bookstore and browsed. Another option would have been sauntering through hardware stores looking for that perfect gadget.

Move the day to a friendlier month. February in Ontario is no treat. I know that the timing was chosen to provide a break in the harsh winter, but forcing people to lose a day’s pay, which was my case, in a bleak month adds to the woes.

The people I talked to who liked the idea had kids who participated in winter sports. Family Day is the perfect weekend to hold a hockey tournament or skating competition. Wouldn’t it be great, though, if I traveled with my kids to another city or town that we could go strolling through the vibrant downtown between games instead of being holed up in a motel room?

I feel that in theory Family Day is great. Let’s just adjust it a bit so it gives people many more options of what they can do, especially if you live outside the main cities.