Expectations

My penpal, Marie-Jeanne, is coming to visit Canada this summer with her husband. Her daughter, Julie, who is in her early 20s, is already over here.

I have been to Belgium several times. On each occasion, I have been treated well. This may be the only time Marie-Jeanne visits. I want to make this one of her best vacations ever. I also want her to discover my country a bit.

St. Marys is near Stratford, two hours west of Toronto. We will go to Niagara Falls, tour some wineries, visit Toronto and do many other things.

However, I must remember that it is their vacation, not mine. When they arrive, we will have a discussion with Julie on what their expectations are. I expect that Julie may have some different ones already. She is on a pretty strict budget. She is also a lot younger than the rest of us.

For example, when we go to Niagara Falls, I intend to go on the Maid of the Mist, the boat that takes you right to the foot of the cascade. However, as much as I think they might want to do this, I think it is important to find out if they really do. Maybe they don’t or perhaps they haven’t the budget to take the voyage. What if Julie can’t afford it? What do we do? Do we leave her behind while we take the boat ride?

That’s why it is important to discuss all of these issues before we go. If we wait until the actual moment of decision, the potential for increased emotions rises significantly. If everyone knows the expectations of the others, then there will be no surprises. There is no problem if Julie wants to go to some of the clubs in Montreal until the wee hours of the morning, for example, as long as she doesn’t expect us to wait around for her the next day while she sleeps. The key is tackling the situation when there is no emotion attached to it.

I hope this all sounds like logical, sound advice to you. I ask you to consider this. Do you do the same things with your life? Do you sit down routinely with your loved ones and discuss what your expectations are? What is your bottom line in planning your happiness? Or do you just flow along like a leaf in a stream? What happens when you hit a waterfall? If you don’t know where you stand or what the expectations are, you could be in for some big trouble.

So what are you looking for in friends, lovers, spouses and even yourself? As I said in a previous blog, I need people that I feel I can trust so much that I can safely place my heart in their hands and it won’t be crushed. I need people around me that I can be totally transparent with and know that I will still be loved.

Here is the key. I can want all of these things and more, but unless I communicate them, I am relying on the hope that other people will somehow know what expectations I have of them and life. Honestly, do you think this will happen? Sometimes people need a wake-up call even if they once knew. Also, we often are afraid to let others know what we need and how they can contribute to our happiness. Why? I really don’t know. Perhaps we figure that if others love us they should automatically know. Hmm, let’s think about that. Could we not also say that if we honestly love people, we will communicate with them with total honesty and let them know what we expect instead of taking the chance that they might be able to figure it out for themselves?

If you are travelling between two cities, you occasionally check the map to see where you are and where you are going. Wouldn’t it be better to know the potential of a waterfall ahead rather than discovering it as you are going over it? Why not do the same with your life? That doesn’t necessarily mean that you will not take a few side trips along the way, but if you plan to go nowhere, that’s exactly where you will end up.