If you don’t know …

Have you ever heard this from your loved one? “If you don’t know, then I’m not telling you.” I have heard this line a few times in my life. Guess what? I still don’t know.

People often say that others don’t understand them. I don’t dispute this, but how is anyone supposed to understand others without knowing what’s on their hearts?

Can you imagine somebody going to the doctor and not telling where it hurts? “Yes, doctor, I am here for a reason, but if you don’t know, then I’m not telling you.”

If you are dealing with me, I need to know. You may have to hit me over the head with a board until I understand, but I really need to know. You may feel afraid of telling me the truth. Perhaps I have wounded your spirit in the past when you did so, but I still need to know.

Why?

If you don’t tell me, then I have no opportunity for any input into the situation. There is no hope that I can do anything to correct any problem. All I will have to do is to deal with the output. Since I don’t have any insights into the reasons for the output, I will be forced to guess and use my imagination. Imagining what might be usually results in gross inaccuracies, because what I invent in my mind is usually not even close to the truth. I have a great imagination. This is hardly fair. It makes for a very one-sided relationship and one that has little hope of being genuine and surviving.

Love is not like a poker game where we have to guess what the other person’s cards are. It is being you, nothing more, yet nothing less. If you can’t be yourself, then you are the real loser. You are living a life that is not yours.

Is it difficult being totally honest with another person? You bet! It may mean telling him something he doesn’t want to hear. What is the alternative? Living a lie. Doing that creates even more hurt for everyone.

I leave my blog for today with the words of Billy Joel. Nice lyrics, although he seems to imply that a friend and love can be less than honest. If somebody is a true friend and really loves me, honesty and trust are essential parts of that relationship.

Honesty
If you search for tenderness, it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can always find someone to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me with promises again.
I know, I know.

When I'm deep inside of me, don't be too concerned.
I won't ask for nothing' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity, tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.