True Friends

Many years ago, I worked for CITV in Edmonton. The owner was Dr. Allard, one of the richest men in Alberta. Apparently he owned a lot of land in Fort McMurray. He certainly had political clout.

As the owner of a television station, he did things that networks dreamed of. He produced an in concert series with popular artists of the day and the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra.

He ruled with an iron fist. The television station was his toy and what he said happened. He cancelled The David Steinberg Show because he felt one comedian’s humour on the show was disrespectful to women. Steinberg went on a rampage claiming censorship and lack of freedom of expression.

On another occasion, a young reporter, who eventually became a well-known journalist in Canada, stood trembling in the master control room. He was interviewing the premier of Alberta, a good friend of Allard, in fifteen minutes and he was told that if he asked anything that embarrassed him, he would lose his job immediately.

It was interesting seeing Dr. Allard come into his empire. People flitted around like birds seeking food at the feeder in our backyard. He was surrounded constantly by smiling people nodding their heads like the figures you see in the backs of cars.

So here he was walking into the master control room while I was doing my job. We chatted briefly. He asked me to explain what I did. Then he asked me a question that could have changed my life in a second.

He pulled out a cigarette and asked, “Do you have a match?” Visions of employees fumbling through their pockets and scurrying like rats in a maze to find the required match jumped into my mind.

But my reply was a bit quicker. I said, “Sorry, I don’t have a match. I don’t smoke. I have asthma and I consider it a disgusting habit.”

I’m glad he was a doctor, because he must have looked at the medical side of my reply and agreed with me with a smile. To me that smile told me that he appreciated somebody who took a risk and told him something he didn’t want to hear.

In St. Marys, I know a similar person. People around him are constantly telling him what he wants to hear.

Call me different, but I know my true friends because they do the exact opposite. Sure, they encourage me and help me fly like an eagle, but they also do something else. They keep me grounded when the flying is too dangerous. They take the risk of telling me when they think I am screwing up. And it is a risk. My reaction might be anger. What right do they have to tell me that? Who do they think they are? How can they understand? Are they trying to manipulate or control me?

Sometimes I want to do the opposite, just to prove them that they are wrong, even though I usually know in my heart that they are right.

Then I start thinking. What do they have to gain by telling me their opinion? The answer is almost always nothing. They may risk losing a friendship, if that is what I decide. Even if I think they are wrong, they have the courage to show me how they feel. They are being open and honest.

I have a few friends who spring to mind that have done just that – Mike, Patti, Brian, Kevin, Bonnie. The first four have made my blood boil at times, but they are treasures because I know that I can trust them enough to say how they feel. And you know what? Their perspective has usually been spot on? Being outside of the situation, they have looked at it with fresh eyes untouched by the emotions that often cloud the issue.

So, if you have friends who always agree with you and seem too good to be true, you are probably right. They are too good to be true. Your true friends will occasionally tell you that you are an idiot and then give you a hug and love you just the same.