To Support and Protect

We all know the story of the Boy Scout who helps the old lady across the street, only to find that she didn’t want to cross the street in the first place. There is a valuable lesson to be learned in this.

Like many people, I enjoy Dancing with the Stars. Without exception, the dancing instructors are attractive people. Most of the contestants they dance with are married. They spend hours on end holding each other, often producing rather steamy dance routines. You would think that their wives and husbands would be upset.

What I have also noticed, though, are the spouses of these people cheering their husbands and wives on. The result is that the spouse actually is like a team member, encouraging their mate in something that is important. The trust that I see is stronger than any jealousy. And you know what? Many of the contestants have grown stronger in their relationships because of the support they have received from their families. It’s been sort of like “let’s help my husband or wife look good in front of a national audience.”

Now I know of some spouses who are protective of their wives and husbands. I’m sure their intentions are good, but I feel they don’t quite get what protection is. To them, protection means putting their mate in a cell so nobody can get at them. It’s sort of like the police putting me into jail to protect me from the criminals. What’s wrong with this picture? It’s obvious. The wrong person is being punished, but you know what? Many people feel trapped in this kind of a relationship and don’t know how to break away.

That is why I love the movie Braveheart. The hero is protecting the rights of his people, but not by hiding them or putting them behind a wall. He puts himself in the front line, willing to defend them against the foe. He risks his life to fight for their right to be free. He doesn’t limit their freedom, like many do and give it the name protection.

Give me a break. How can you limit the freedom of somebody and call it love? I have heard the analogy of how a person perceives his love as a precious jewel and is trying to protect it. If you keep your emerald locked in a jewellery box, it isn’t doing what it was designed to do. I want to show off my jewels. I want people to see how they sparkle. If I am constantly worrying about somebody stealing them, though, it would be better for me to have coal.

To start, like the old lady with the Boy Scout, the spouse should determine if their mate wants to be protected and what form of protection that should take. What do I mean?

The way I see it, I would rather provide protection by being a shelter in the storm for my love. However, if my woman asks me to provide protection, like Braveheart, I will be in front of her fighting for her freedom, not hiding her away and limiting it. Preventing your spouse from doing something isn’t giving love, it is taking love away, and it is a selfish love. It is not thinking of the other person. It is thinking of you.

I learned long ago that the way to keep somebody at your side is to give her so much that she would be a fool to leave. If you have a match where both are doing this, it is heaven on earth. It’s as simple as that, but it’s not that simple.

Have I got it all right? Absolutely not! I don’t pretend to have all of the answers. I have gotten many things wrong. However, life never stops teaching me. One lesson that comes to mind is the saying, “If you set a bird free and it comes back to you, it is yours. If it flies away, it never was.” If I want the maximum from a partner, I better be prepared to support her in their quest to be the best she can be, not pretend to protect her and limit her passion for life.