Tolerance

"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Saint Francis of Assisi

I have a problem. At times I don’t think I am very wise. I often don’t know the difference of whether I can change things or not. It is not as simple as it seems.

The problem is that people have different tolerance levels. In our quest to have harmony in the world, something has to give. Everybody can’t have his or her own way.

For example, I can sit in a car with somebody and she will find it too hot, while I might find it too cold. What is the best solution? Adding more heat will only make it too hot for one person, while opening the windows will make it uncomfortably cold for the other. How are both satisfied? Which one is supposed to tolerate the other?

In the days of smoking being permitted everywhere, people had to tolerate something for years until they fought back. It was a long fight that took lots of courage. Fortunately, medical evidence helped clinch the argument.

I had an interesting discussion with somebody this morning. It was about beer tents and amplified sound at night. In St. Marys, where I live, it appears we are creating more and more events involving music that goes well into the night until one in the morning.

Personally, I have no problem tolerating these kinds of events a few times of the year until 11 pm. I really don’t want any outdoor event to continue until 1 am, however, I am willing to tolerate it a couple of times a year.

The person on the other side of the discussion suggested that we have to be more tolerant to the people who want these events.

The problem is if more and more groups want to have similar events. When does it become intolerable? That depends, doesn’t it? What I find unacceptable may be desirable to the next person. How do we decide? When do the partygoers tolerate my point of view and find a solution to satisfy me?

You might suggest a simple vote on the matter. Not a bad idea, but I have found the second part of the St. Francis of Assisi quote appropriate here. I know that people often lack the courage to speak out against something they can’t tolerate. To do so often involves having your character mocked by your opponents. You may even risk threats and violence. They accept unwillingly something they can’t tolerate, sometimes becoming very bitter and unhappy in the process.

An example of my confusion of what to tolerate is some of the Pride weeks in various Canadian cities. Gays parade down the streets exhibiting behaviour I and many others, I believe, wouldn’t tolerate if it were heterosexuals doing the same thing. Yet we are expected to embrace it.

I am even more confused by the conflicting images of these parades being an event for the whole family and the hedonistic images I see in the media. However, we better not speak out against this, otherwise we will be called homophobic. I don’t believe I am homophobic. I certainly don’t have a fear of homosexuality. I just don’t embrace the thought of people parading around semi-naked promoting sexuality and handing out condoms to small children, regardless of their preference in the gender of their partner. It’s just that I haven’t heard of a parade of heterosexuals doing this.

In a similar vein, blacks can use the “N” word, but whites can’t; yet we turn around and preach that everyone is created equal. It’s funny that on the Black Entertainment Television Network, blacks have often referred to white people as honkies, not exactly a kind remark, yet is not this word derogatory as well?

Abortion is another issue where there is very little middle ground. How can people at either end of the spectrum tolerate the opinion of the other side?

So, who makes the rules of what we tolerate and what we don’t tolerate? How do we as a society come to some consensus? Is it the group or person who shoves the most or has the most power? Maybe is it the person who has the most influence or money? Or does everyone do what he or she wants and expects that his or her actions will be tolerated? Maybe it’s time to go to the Northern Ontario wilderness and become a hermit.

My viewpoint is that fear has gripped many people and they are not serene, but accept what they might, indeed, be able to change. Like me, they are clouded on the issues and lack the wisdom to know the difference. However, there are some serious lobby groups out there who seem willing to crush anyone who dares oppose their point of view.

I would love to hear St. Francis’s speak now to a world where his voice would be one of thousands sharing the same stage, but differing in the message. In today’s onslaught of opinions, it is sometimes very difficult to have the wisdom to know the difference.

One might suggest that we should reflect on what St. Francis says and pray to God for this wisdom. Sounds great! It seems that even God is giving different messages to everyone, too. Just look at what is happening in many of the Christian churches. There seems to be a justification for every point of view. Viewpoints that have been valid for centuries are now seen in a new light.

So, I pray a new prayer. I ask God to teach me how to apply the words of St. Francis to the current world and to magnify the meaning of what he says so I can understand better.