La Senza

On Boxing Day, I boldly went where few men have gone before.

I had given my wife a gift certificate to La Senza for Christmas. What is La Senza, you ask? It is a shop for women’s underwear that is a bit more intimate than you would get in most places. I have survived to tell of the experience.

On most days, my guess is that shopping there is a casual, relaxed occasion. On Boxing Day, it is anything but.

As we approached the door, one of the employees stood guard. At first I thought she was checking to see that nobody was walking away without paying. Then it seemed she was there to make sure there weren’t too many in the store. I finally figured out that her main role was to make sure the few men who were in the store didn’t escape.

It was terrible. All sorts of underwear were flying about – lacy, frilly things, thongs, bras, slips. Women’s hands were groping through bins furiously like thieves ransacking a home. I retreated to a remote area of the store in order to avoid the frenzy. Not a wise move. I was cornered. Several women advanced on my position and I scurried away like a bug after a rock has revealed its hiding place. I didn’t know where to go. Like the ball in a pinball machine, I was flipped from table to table.

Finally, my wife finished her purchases. She gave a nod to the woman at the door, at least it seemed that way, and I was allowed to leave the store and into the welcome arms of the mall.

For what seemed an eternity, I waited for my wife to emerge from the swarming mass of limbs in La Senza. In her hand was a petite paper bag holding her loot.

Would I venture into that store again? All I can say is never again on Boxing Day.