It took me years to learn this lesson, but I learned it well. I would often want to get together with people so I would ask them if they wanted to get together or go out. I wouldn’t give them very many details. The idea was to see if they had the desire, then we would plan something.
Wrong! I had it all backwards. A no usually meant that I felt that I was being personally rejected. This added to the pressure of issuing the invitation. And the pressure of issuing the invitation put pressure on the person being invited.
So what did I learn? I learned that you plan the event and invite the person. Let me illustrate what I mean with the story about Lenore.
Lenore was an extremely attractive woman in my folkdance club. She had the beauty of some women in renaissance paintings. I decided to try my theory on her.
Rather than calling her and asking if she wanted to go out, I asked her if she wanted to go to the best Greek restaurant in town. Now, here’s the beauty in this. If she said yes, I already know what we are doing, so there was no pressure to plan something. If she said no, then I wouldn’t feel the personal rejection as much. I would assume that she doesn’t like Greek food.
It was all too simple, yet I had done it wrong for so long.
By the way, Lenore said yes and we went out and enjoyed Greek food. My lesson learned, I didn’t go out with her much after that. We really didn’t have that much in common, but I still thank her for being the acid test for this theory.
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